Last Saturday night, me and my crew headed out for a party over at Doug's apartment, a nerdy law school student, who always wears a funny t shirt, knows how to drink, and strangely enough attract the women even though he typically makes a fool out of himself at these gatherings once the alcohol gets flowing. We sat around at his dining room table sporting our cool shirts and fashionable jeans, just waiting for the newcomers to arrive with Doug's party flyers in hand. Shortly after our arrival, there was a desperate knock on the door, and a rush of people quickly came inside, mostly women of all shapes and sizes, along with a couple of guys wearing funny t shirts. It made sense. Doug always gave out free beer at his parties, and college women are curious creatures, who love to tag along with each other for the ride. Once introductions were made, we sat back down at the table to start playing drinking games. After a couple of hours of hard drinking and laughter, we started to get fuzzy and then began the search for our lady of the evening. This is when the drinking games stopped and the blocking games began. I can't tell you how aggravating it is to have this happen to you.

Block #1 (The Friend-to-Friend Block)

So how do you know when you are getting blocked by your friend? The signs and symptoms can be quite obvious here, and they are extremely aggravating. Let's go back to the party and take a look at block #1, or the friend-to-friend block, as I like to call it.

Sporting his funny t-shirt, Doug quickly pulled his seat right up next to his top choice, leaving my cool shirts crew out in the cold. Once Doug made his choice, none of us could talk or flirt with this girl. When we tried to talk, he weaseled his way in closer to her, and started whispering God only knows what in her ear, making her blush. Doug quickly diverted any topic of conversation directed toward this beautiful stranger to his own personal display of male chauvinism. Suddenly, my good funny t-shirt friend was a complete stranger to us, as if he had walked in the front door with the party flyer crew. This friend-to-friend cock block technique is the most annoying, but in Doug's mind it was deserving, since he was king of the pad.

Block #2 (Dude-to-Dude Block)

Being blocked by Doug was bad enough, but things were about to get much worse. Let's return to the party once again for a how to know lesson on being blocked by other guys who are complete strangers to you.

My crew quickly sought other options at the table once Doug became preoccupied with his new obsession. We were hoping some fine ladies would notice our cool shirts and strike up a conversation. Although Doug was hitting on his new lady friend, my buddies and me started to have some success with some of the other ladies at the table, so he no longer became a concern. After a few giggles and some minor flirting, some of the males wearing funny t shirts in the flyer crew stepped in for cock block number two. It was not known whether these men displayed a personal interest outside our drunken table to these women, or if they were assigned a cock block position to protect the girls before the party. In any case this dude-to-dude block scenario is very common, and probably the most frustrating. The few guys that were there decided to take their girl "friend" and run out the front door, leaving only a handful of single, promising women at the table. All that was left were four flyer crew girls, and three cool shirts to mix and mingle. This wasn't all bad. At least we knew who was available and who wasn't, but our options were becoming increasingly limited, so we had to make good on what was leftover even if that meant sharing with one another!

Block #3 (The Girlfriend or Hideous Best Friend Block)

O.K. so now you know when you are being blocked by your friend or a complete stranger from the male population. Now let's take a look at when your about to get cock blocked from a woman. Yes, it's true. Not only guys play the cock blocking game, but women do, as well. Back to the party now!

After a few more beers, the leftover flyer crew was beginning to hold conversations and flirt with my cool shirts crew. It appeared all was going good until out of the corner of my eye I saw the third and final cock block move coming from this heavy set girl, who appeared isolated from the conversation. This girl had no interest in us even though her friends did. One quick wobble toward the table, car keys jingling, along with a swing of the purse over her shoulder, and suddenly it was time for her friends to go home. This is the worst block situation. In this a girlfriend or hideous best friend block scenario, the girl you are talking to actually likes you, but decides to call it a night before phone numbers are even exchanged. What a mess! The leftover flyer crew got up and headed out the front door leaving my cool shirts crew to ponder the scene of the crime.

Now that you are an expert on determining when you are being blocked, it is probably time to give a little something back to all those hard-nosed blockers you have encountered. Upon my revelation of the screw job that had been handed to me, I decided to go to Brownturtle to switch out my cool shirts collection for some funny tshirts. I am now a hard-nosed rooster who lets everyone at the table know, who I am, and what my intentions are for the evening.