Your wife surfaces a few minutes later, followed by Grandma and the children. Together you enjoy a full English breakfast and freshly-brewed coffee, prepared in next to no time in your superbly equipped kitchen.  All done, you pop the crockery into the dishwasher.   At the touch of a button, the bedroom disappears as if by magic into the wall cavity.  After a brisk, hot shower, all you need to do now is to enjoy the rest of your day.   Easy!

A couple of days later, the view from your bedroom window is very different.   As you look out at the leaden sky, muddy fields, relentless rain, soggy individuals trudging around in wellies and waterproofs, battered tents everywhere, you feel for the majority of people who have come to Glastonbury this year for yet another soaking.  But as you settle down on the leather sofa in warmth and comfort to sup your beer, you can’t help but feel just a wee bit smug, as you listen to the bands tuning up.

Of course, you can’t please all of the people all of the time, not least Grandma, who is far from happy.  She complains bitterly about the rain, scruffy youths, the litter and ‘all that dreadful noise’.  With fierce indignation, she takes to her bed to watch Eastenders on the widescreen TV.  It’s a little chilly now, but with the central heating on and a nice cup of tea, Grandma’s snug under her duvet. The kids are getting twitchy.  They didn’t find The Who particularly ‘cool’, although it was wicked to get filthy in all that mud and not be scolded for it.  Even Mum said, it was nothing that the washer dryer in the motor home couldn’t fix.  Anyway, time to move on, to a venue to suit everyone.  Next stop, a theme park. 

Alton Towers seems to fit the bill.  As you make your way North, it’s strange not to hear the usual cries of “are we nearly there yet?” – until you realise that  your little darlings are so engrossed, sprawled on the carpet and watching Harry Potter on DVD,  they’ve hardly noticed that you’re on the road.

More robustly constructed than its British and European cousins and simple to drive, the American motor home offers you the opportunity to explore this amazing isle with more quality, comfort and freedom than you could ever have thought – the ultimate home from home with no need to pack or unpack at every stage of your journey and with every mod con at your disposal.  Some models even have their own integral garage.  Whatever your fancy, be it motocross, cricket or just a gentle coastal tour, you can simply take to the road whenever and wherever you like, in five-star luxury.

So, having finally taken in the magic of Scotland, the last leg of your tour is complete and it’s time to head back for home.  You’ll have fond memories of the Carnoustie Open Championship and your golfing legends to take with you.  (Must practise that swing when you get back.)

As the miles melt away effortlessly beneath your wheels, Grandma dreams of Woodstock in 1969, smiles and sighs wistfully, thinking she’d really love to go back to Glastonbury next year.  “There’s something about that Roger Daltrey…”.