Some days I feel blonder than others. One day I couldn't start my car because the shift wasn't in park. Another day I couldn't find my glasses because they were on top of my head.
Because I'm blond, people love to tell me blond jokes. Have you heard the one about the blond who tried to steal the police car? Because it said 911 on the back she thought it was a Porsche. Then there's the one about the blond watching the Super Bowl. She thought a quarterback was a refund.
When I have an Alex Haley day - a euphemism for my roots showing - I don't think God should have rested on the seventh day. He could have used that time to make me a natural blond.
Because he didn't, my husband had to ask to be married to a blond - again. Although that could be interpreted as a "dumb" request, it was easy to oblige.
What wasn't easy was my first attempt at hair coloring. I was a teenager - a teenager with dark blond hair and thus not able to fully understand the directions on the box. My hair turned new-penny copper; and according to my shocked mother, it wasn't a lucky penny look.
My mother's hair was professionally lightened. Her stylist said it would be more flattering. That was a tactful way of saying dark hair looks like a frame around wrinkled canvas.
When Senator Clinton risked looking wrinkled by darkening her hair, I knew she was running for president. She thought being linked to dumb blonds was a bigger risk - a risk her husband, however, has been willing to take.
Frankly, I think blonds are better at communication. Recently I requested help with a widget - yes, I know what a widget is! I explained in my e-mail my confusion could be due to my blondness. A succinct, clear explanation in predominantly one-syllable words was quickly e-mailed back. The sender empathized with my condition because she was blond too.
When it comes to blonds, it's Webster's Dictionary that's confused. It says blond can be spelled "blonde". Now how blond is that?
If you don't want to feel blond, remember what this blond said, "When you can't find something, it's always in the last place you look".
