If you want to extend the life of your tree and encourage it to grow better fruit, you have to prune it. Pruning fruit trees is the thing to do, because that allows sunlight to reach all areas of the tree. Armed with my best sewing scissors and a ladder, I marched right outside swearing I would not call someone to do it for me. I managed to get the ladder opened after thirty minutes and a pinched thumb, and then I climbed right up that thing feeling like Jack on the beanstalk.

Then I reached the first limb, and even though I suddenly realized that I knew nothing about pruning fruit trees, I was sure it wouldn't be too hard. I attempted to cut a smaller limb from my tree, and realized that the scissors wouldn't do the job. So I got my husband's chain saw.

I figured it had to be better than those scissors. I didn't realize how loud it would sound and it startled me. I threw it on the ground and toppled backwards off the ladder. Luckily, we have soft grass. Cursing that stupid chain saw, I went back up the ladder with it, and started it again. This time I was prepared.

I was about to learn that chain saws are very sharp. I tried cutting that small limb again. The chain saw was aggressive and chomped into six and half limbs. My beautiful tree! About 1/4th of it was lying on the ground, and boy, was I really ticked off. But I wasn't about to give up, not even after one of the ravaged limbs struck my forehead and left a big scratch.

This time I got out the hedge shears and climbed up the tree itself. How hard can pruning fruit trees possibly be? As I was going up, I kicked over the ladder by accident.

Boiling mad, I waited in that bleeping fruit tree until my husband found me in the tree, bleeding from the head, with dirt stuck to my butt. I walked back to the house as my husband laughed, but as I did I gave that tree a withering look and muttering, "Until next year!