Chivalry and dating

According to the LoveGeist Report 2009, the largest ever study of love and dating, 90% of men in the UK will hold doors open for a woman they are dating, and 77% would still pay for everything on the first date.

In certain parts of the country, the figures were even higher. In Middlesborough in the North East of England, for example, 100% of men open doors for their date and 93% will pay the bill. Londoners appear to be a little less keen on traditional chivalry, but still have a strong 85% of men holding doors open when dating and 76% paying for the first date.

These statistics show that, without doubt, old-fashioned chivalry is alive and well in the UK dating scene. The question for men of today is, what do most women expect in terms of dating chivalry and what could be seen as going too far? These days, men have to strike a careful balance between treating their dating partner like a lady and offending their feminist sensibilities.

The meaning of chivalry

Chivalry used to refer to the medieval ideals of knightly virtues, courtly love and honour. These days, the term usually refers to the courteous behaviour of men towards women. While the concept of chivalry has been criticised in recent decades for its potential to expose or amplify inequalities between men and women, chivalrous behaviour still survives in dating rituals throughout the country.

Isn't chivalry a bit old-fashioned?

The play-act of men looking after women, though it may not be the reality of every-day life, remains a fairly sure way for a man to impress the woman they are dating, even though it can come across as slightly old-fashioned in some circumstances.

This is because love and dating, and romance in general, are relatively immune to the march of time. The ancient institution of marriage, for example, though it may not be the rite of passage it once was, but it is still the aim of more than half (54%) of singles across the UK, according to the LoveGeist Report. We are still a nation addicted to old-fashioned ideals of romantic love.

What do women want?

Women essentially want to be treated well by men and, within the parameters of dating, like to be shown that this is, without doubt, the man's intention in the long term.

While it can be confusing for men, who sometimes struggle with the feeling that their attempts to be courteous seem to go unnoticed and unappreciated by women, the truth is that the majority of women still value chivalrous behaviour, to an extent.

While it is no longer necessary for a man to offer his seat to a strange woman on the bus, dating is one arena in which chivalry is still a valuable way for a man to express his intention to treat a woman with the respect and care she deserves.