We are Generation X. Parents trying to learn how to be parents. We are bombarded with books on self-esteem, how to raise confident children, talking to your child, bonding with your infant, etc. We are also bombarded with TV commercials on depression anxiety and other mental illness. The advice we get is sound and good, but many times it's confusing and contradictory. We rely more on expert advice and books, than on intuition and experience than any other generation. What do we do when we need therapy? Where do we go for testing, diagnosis, treatment? What if our children show symptoms of depression, anxiety, ADHD, ADD or irritability?

Everyday we are seeing more children seek treatment for conditions such as depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, academic problems and home difficulties. In the past, parents told the children what to do and they did (or at least we thought they did); words like "because I say so" and "no argument" were common household phrases. Today we are raising children with the premise that we need to talk to them, negotiate, be their friends, share their moments and protect their feelings. Like most things in life, we need to find the balance.

I talk to parents all the time and they are "afraid" of being too harsh because this might be traumatic, concerned about not having anything in common with their children or doing anything that can jeopardize the parent-child relationship. As one parent once told me "I love the fact that my 12 year old and I like the same music so we can hear it together and hang out together. It makes me feel close to him."

I think it is wonderful to like the same music, share special moments and communicate openly with children. But we are forgetting that children need to have their own friends, their own confidants, learn social skills by interacting with peers, make mistakes and find their way. What they need at home is a parent, a role model, someone to set limits, provide advice and be there for support when things don't go right. Does this mean we can't be friends? What we need to be is a parent.

Usually, for elementary-aged children parents can do no wrong. They are the center of the universe, the protectors and the holders of all wisdom. As teenagers, parents become ignorant, they "don't know anything" or "don't understand" and often times might be a source of embarrassment. Once this stage is over, parents again become the source of knowledge and advice. It is during the teenage years that most parents fall into the "friendship trap." But it is especially during these years that they need a strong guiding hand at home. They are questioning their beliefs, defining themselves, seeking their goals and aspirations and unsure of what to do. They need a parent to guide them, talk to them, set limits, model behavior and talk about what they have learned through experience.

So, next time you talk to your children or hang out with them, think that open communication, trust, guidance and security come from a strong parent-child relationship, not from friendship relationship with your children. If all else fails seek treatment. Do not let the symptoms of an underlying condition such as depression, anxiety or ADD/ADHD catch up with you. Everyday more children are being diagnosed and even more go undiagnosed.