San Diego psychologist and author of "The Good Divorce," Constance Ahrons says, that kids do poorly when they see parents doing poorly. "I always tell separating couples to try to minimize the transitions. If there's any way to hold on to the house and have the kids stay there, do it. Keep the conflict to a minimum and never put the children in the middle." Parents who try to keep their children's lives as normal as possible will see, that kids can actually do well in coping with the split.

San Diego divorce lawyer and parent Marie Backes, who went through her own traumatic divorce has focused her San Diego family law practice around the most distressing aspects of the dissolution of marriage and the break up of a family. She says, ?I know how bad my clients are feeling because I've been there,? says Backes. ?I do everything possible to zealously represent them, to make things easier during that distressful time.?

While seemingly impossible, she and others say, it is possible to have a ?good divorce? if you focus on what is most important first and foremost: your responsibilities as a parent. Of course divorce is and will always be painful, but when children are involved, parents can confront the fact that they are no longer willing to make it as a couple, but they should never give up striving to be a nurturing parent. The most important thing is that the kids keep a loving relationship with both parents. Going through a San Diego divorce shouldn't be about winning, so it is important not to get caught up by petty things, and not make every conversation about what went wrong in the first place ? especially in front of the kids. And finally, try not to exclude anyone from family functions, etc. If you would invite a friend who has nowhere to go on Thanksgiving, why not invite your ex-spouse? Ultimately, if kids see that your relationships can function, they are more likely to have functional relationships themselves.

The Backes firm focuses on every aspect of family law, including dissolution and division of assets and debts, fraud and concealment of assets, San Diego child custody and support, spousal support and attorney fees, domestic partner and grandparent rights, domestic violence and restraining orders, parental alienation and child abduction, modifications of custody and support orders, move-away motions and appeals, and the protection of client assets through prenuptial, postnuptial and cohabitation agreements. Visit www.backesfamilylaw.com for more information.

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