?I remember one church leader's wife who shared her story, once we had developed a trust relationship. Early in their marriage when she was pregnant, her husband became enraged and hit her so hard she was knocked across the room. He never hit her again, but all he needed to do was raise his voice or give that look to have her appease him and give in to his demands, peace at any price.?

What Is Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. This behavior may consist of but not limited to, domestic violence, partner abuse, and battering (physical, emotional, sexual, psychological abuse performed by one person against another). The abuser and the victim are involved in or have had an intimated or romantic relationship.

What Does The Bible Say About Abuse

It's sad but true, that for many people in today's world and for many churches, the focus on helping those who are living in sin is gradually eroding. When it comes to domestic violence (sin), many people and church leaders often ignore the value of each human life and instead are single-minded on ?Wives be subject to your own husbands.? (Ephesians 5:22) and not on ?Husbands love your wives? (Ephesians 5:25).

The Bible is clear that violence is never an option to gain or maintain power or control over an intimate partner or spouse. Psalms 140:4 states ?Help me, O Lord from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who purposes to overthrow my life.?

Statistics on Domestic Violence

?Over 4 million women each year involved in intimate relationships are victims of domestic violence.

?Within the United States alone, one out of every four women will experiecne violence by an intimate partner and one out of every six will be raped.

?According to the United States Surgeon General, domestic violence causes more injury to adult women than cancer, heart attacks, strokes, car accidents, muggings or rapes.

?More than 3 million children witness domestic violence, and more than 4 million women are battered to death by their husbands or boyfriends each year.

?1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

?Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.

?Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a "family annihilator" -- a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide.Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well,before killing themselves.

Domestic Violence and African-American Families

A little known secret is that African-Americans, especially women are victims of domestic violence at higher rates than Caucasians or other ethnic groups. Recent data from the Justice Department suggest that African-American women are more than twice as likely to die at the hands of a spouse or a boyfriend. Some of the dynamics that might encourage higher rates of domestic violence in African-American homes include, but are not limited to:

?High levels of catostrophic stress

?Disconnected families

?Poor schools

?Unemployment/underemployment

?Lower earning potentials (if I leave, how will I pay the bills)

?Influx of drugs and weapons within the communities

?Poor conflict resolutions skills (programs, and role models scarce or nonexistent)

?Inadequate vocational readiness skills

?Lack of community/church support systems

?African-American women have fewer options for marriage

?Lack of hope for a better life

?Inadequate living situations

?Generational abuse (children who witness abuse)

?Distrust for the medical, justice and criminal system due to historical racism

?Lack of education about violence

While none of these challenges alone, may be enough to cause domestic violence, their synergistics effects will most certainly instigating African-American men to abuse and make it more difficult for African-American women to leave. This outcome coupled with African-American women feeling that if they report the abuse, their children will end up in foster placement often leads African-American women to seek homocide as their only way out. Homocide is the second leading cause of death for African-American women between the ages of 15-24.

Are You Being Abused

Try and answer the following questions honestly for your relationship or for someone you love. If you answer ?yes? to even one of these questions, you or your loved one may be in an abusive relationship!

?Embarrass you with put-downs?

?Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

?Control what you do, whom you see or talk to or where you go?

?Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

?Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

?Make all of the decisions?

?Tell you that you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

?Prevent you from working or attending school?

?Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault, or even denies doing it?

?Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

?Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

?Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

?Force you to try and drop charges?

?Threaten to commit suicide or Threaten to kill you?

If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

What Can You Do About Domestic Violence

If you are a victim of domestic violence

?Call 911 for help and file a police report

?Ask the police or medical personal about the Crime Victim Compensation

?If connected to a church or ministry call a trusted leader for support

?Never refuse medical treatment

?Photograph your injuries

?Call the National Domestic Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They can and will help you get away safely!

?Don't return. It's not your fault. Domestic violence is never justified.

?Seek counseling for yourself. Learn how to live without being abused

If you are a pastor, ministry, friend or social service agency

?Let it be known that you are aware of the problem

?Provide information to your members

?Preach about it. The church is rampant with victims and abusers who live in secret!

If you are an abuser

?You abuse one time, you are an abuser!

?Seek professional help. The problem will not go away. It will only get worse.

?Domestic violence is a learned behavior with rewards and consequences

?Domestic violence can never be justified on the basis of being provoked