As a grandparent, it can be quite tempting to view your role as that of being an additional parent to the child and behave towards them in a similar way to how you behaved towards their parent, your child. To some extent there is a lot of merit in this. There is no such thing as too much intelligent guidance for a child at any stage of their life. It is important to realize, though, that any child can only have a maximum of two parents, and any blurring of roles will be unhelpful. There is no rule, though, which says that you cannot be there to offer support and advice when needed. In order to do this, it is important to realize how things have changed since you were a relatively new parent.

One thing which has definitely not changed is the fact that children are constantly developing and changing. Neuro-science holds that there are three stages of development in a young person, each spanning seven years. For the first seven they are constantly absorbing, taking in information without second-guessing very much at all. From eight to fourteen years of age, they are likely to begin questioning what they know and seeing different sides to every situation. Between fifteen and twenty-one they enter a period of assuming they know everything and that everyone else is wrong. These descriptions are; of course, open to some amendment, as many adolescents show a maturity that belies their years. Being ready for how your grandchild will change, though, helps immeasurably when trying to be the best grandparent you can be.

When your grandchild is new born, up until about two years of age, everything will be new to them. Their mind is not fully formed. Consider yourself – how many memories do you have from the first couple of years of your life? Chances are that it is very few, if any. Most people remember nothing from those years. At that stage it is all about fun, and this is what you should be to your grandchild.

In early childhood up to the age of eight or even older, children will begin to understand a lot more about life. This will often be a frustrating period for them as they will expect the world to work the way they think it should, and they will find failure extremely hard to deal with. While they will understand principles, they will have difficulty with variables. As they head towards their teens, most children are united by the fact that they want to be older. They may see elder siblings doing things that are age-appropriate and want to be involved too. This may be when they need love and guidance more than ever.

Finally, adolescence and early adulthood are perhaps the most difficult years of anyone's life. They change a great deal in body and mind, and will for the first time experience a lot of things that adulthood teaches them to deal with, but in adolescence will seem unjust and life-ending. However, they are mature enough to understand that life can be unfair, and after a few knocks they learn to roll with the punches. When needed, reassure them that they are doing just fine. A sympathetic ear can be of immense value at this stage.