Toilet training often provokes great anxiety in parents. Many seem to see it as some sort of competition - the earlier they get their child potty trained the brighter their child must be, and the better they as parents must be. Total nonsense of course! Trying to potty train your child before he or she is ready is a recipe for frustration, frayed nerves, and traumatized children.

So, the first thing is to wait for your child to be ready for toilet training before you begin to do so. It will make the whole process much easier, happier, and less stressful. It really doesn't matter that your little one is trained three months later than your neighbor's child.

Every child is different, and that's the beauty. Learn to cherish it. Most toddlers are not genuinely toilet trained before the age of two or three years though there are exceptions that may be toilet trained at 20 months. Moreover, as a rule, boys take longer to be potty trained than girls. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4, though bedwetting continues till the age of 5 in about 10% kids. There is no need to be in haste. If you do that, you might have to face problems, such as soiling, that can last much longer.

So, in the interests of more peace at home, here are some guidelines on how to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience - and how to know when he or she is ready to start.

1. Make sure that she is familiar with her body, it's functions, and the names you as a family will use. It doesn't matter what names you use - wee, pee, tinkle, number 1 - as long as everyone knows what they mean. The same applies to body parts.

2. Despite concerns shown against it, I think it is a good idea to let your child witness you or other family member, preferably of the same sex, using the toilet. If you do it naturally, your child will get the idea that it is the natural thing to do. Contrary to some misconceptions, it will not traumatize your child. Talk about it as a grown-up thing to do. This will prepare your child for using a potty to begin with and then the big toilet. It instills a sense of anticipation since all toddlers want to do the things that grown-ups do. You can allow your child to flush the toilet to get used to the whole process.

3. Fix a date for starting the toilet training. Bring the small potty out before that and leave it in a visible place. Talk to your child about what it is, and what it is for. Ask him when he would like to use it, but don't start right away.

How to know when your child is ready for toilet training? Watch out for the following signs:

1. Can she tell you when she is wet or dirty? You can help with this by asking her or pointing out to her immediately after she urinated or had a bowel movement. Whether your spot it, or she tells you, change her diaper as soon as possible. You want to reinforce the idea that being clean and dry is more comfortable than being wet and dirty. If she comes and tells you that she needs a diaper change, offer lots of praise and do it straight away.

2. The second phase is when he has to decipher the signals. This can take a long time. Be patient. Often they get to know at the last moment, and then there is not sufficient time to rush to the toilet and pull off the diaper. By the time the clothes and diaper is removed the deed may have been done. Be prepared for many such accidents. If it happens too often, it is better to wait some more.

3. See if your child can follow simple directions like taking a piece of tissue and throwing it into the toilet. If not, or if he refuses to do so, then you need to address that problem first.

4. Are there signs of developing bowel and bladder control? For example, are the bowel motions settling into a clear pattern such as twice a day after meals? Are stools firm and well formed? Is she able to stay dry for several hours at a time? If not, she may not be able to contain herself long enough to get to the bathroom. On the other hand, also make sure that she is not straining or experiencing pain on passing a motion as that can lead to deliberate witholding and a whole host of problems that can become very intractable and long term. She may need a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. Does she have a positive feeling about toiletting? If you have done the preparatory work, she should be looking forward to the day she can use a toilet like a grown up. However, some children do develop fears about flushing water etc, which you will need to resolve before starting the toilet training. Again, familiarity with the toilet should alleviate most of this. Practice sitting on the potty (in clothes) may reassure her that she won't disappear and get flushed away like the poo does.

These are the signs to look for in order to start toilet training. Be positive. And reward your child for success but don't punish for failures.

Bon Voyage!