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Never Back Down Star
Ken Austin
Many workplaces (labor and office) have a guy who, in a desperate attempt to prove his manhood, attempts to perform physical tasks way beyond his safe capability. You know the guy who attempts to Barnum & Bailey himself up the stairs with three jugs for the water cooler. He's the guy struggling to keep his composure on a ladder with four bundles of shingles over his shoulder. Or the guy who stacks several boxes on top of each other and walks with them down the hallway, incapable of seeing in front of him. He'll never deny his discomfort or outright pain. He'll assure you that he's "fine" even as his voice speaks to you in short breathless intervals stemming from somewhere around his ankles.
It may be the case that this individual is a good guy and he's simply trying to help out. You should be able to determine this by running a mental background check of the persons "character track record". If he checks out, cut him some slack and give him a hand. If determined he's not trying to help out, he can then be classified as a distant cousin to the "practice hero" of the sports world. This means that he's most likely:
1. Trying to show off / Impress people
2. Looking to be lavished with praise, thanks and attention
3. Just plain dumb (kind of like the goldfish that eats himself to death)
Whether it's a friend and you're trying to save his backbone from becoming the equivalent to that of Gumby's, or it's just a co-worker you find habitually annoying. Here's three suggested solutions to stop Captain Planet before he does any more damage.
1. Constantly add objects to the guys' workload. If he's carrying four boxes, add a fifth. Adding obstacles like trash cans and bulky articles of clothing to his path is also a great tactic. All it takes is one embarrassing drop and he's done. These are the type of people who fall off the horse and don't get back on. It's your duty to make him fall off. When he's standing there with a red face and broken equipment he'll think twice the next time he goes to bite off more than he can chew, I assure you.
2. Anonymously post fliers around the workplace. These fliers should be loaded with "back facts" aimed at schooling this person on the dangers of over lifting and improper lifting. Your goal is to make this guy fear back problems as much as he fears the Apocalypse. To ensure that this happens, add a personal touch such as the inclusion of the most horrible scoliosis images you can find. You want to make these fliers so gloomy that he'll equate getting back pain with contracting the SARS virus. If someone figures out you're the one putting them up, just claim that work safety is dear to your heart. You'll be fine.
3. Connect with the guy on a level he'll understand and appreciate. Kneel down behind his desk or saw horse and conduct an elaborate puppet show chronicling the invention and implementation of the hand truck. Explain that when someone suggests he use "dollies" there's no need to spit in their apple juice, for they're not referring to plastic Barbie's but rather back saving tools he might want to look into.
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