Reality, however, begins where story books end. We have to contend with each other’s idiosyncrasies, differing outlooks and opposite personalities. There are many details which couples overlook during the courtship period. Unfortunately, these details often become the point of contention in a marriage and can result in a divorce. While romance is a great feeling, one must understand that there is a lot more than that, which contributes to a life together.

A marriage actually begins when the honeymoon period is over. A couple begins to make adjustments, adapt and slowly build a life towards a common future. Even when two people have a lot in common, making a life together involves hard work and compromise. If, on the other hand, the differences are glaring and there are no common interests, making a marriage work can be twice as difficult. A partner’s traits, which one didn’t pay too much attention to, become irritating and difficult to live with. Compromise on religious beliefs becomes extremely difficult and, suddenly, there seems no common goal for the future.

When the honeymoon is over, everyday responsibilities and way of life take over. A couple has to deal with issues that come up and reach mutually agreeable decisions on varying matters. Where to live, how much to spend, what to save on, who to socialise with, what religious practice to follow, when and if to have children are all matters that need common agreement and cannot be decided based only on romance.

Life always throws up surprises and, therefore, we cannot be prepared for everything all the time. However, when seriously considering marriage, it is prudent to take off the rose-tinted glasses and enter it with one’s eyes wide open. To be prepared will at least help a person survive rocky moments and keep the marriage together. Attraction and chemistry very rarely depend on logic but marriage requires both sense and sensibilities. Especially with the rate of divorce increasing, people are beginning to understand the importance of understanding and knowing a potential life partner.

Before contemplating marriage, one must put down a list of questions that one might have, related to matters that are important to a person. It makes sense to sit with a partner and discuss these questions so both people know exactly how the other feels about important issues. This will go a long way in keeping nasty surprises at bay.

Even the most broadminded person can be caught up in religious battles. When marrying a person from a different religion or culture, it is important to discuss how that might impact everyday living. If one person practises idol worship, it is important to know if the other person, while not practising it, will at least allow the space and respect for the practice. If one partner goes to church, would he or she expect the other to go too? Will each be able to respect each other’s religion without making personal attacks or derisive statements? For two people to live in harmony together, each has to understand and respect the other’s need to practise a certain religion.

Even if people imagine that children are a natural outcome of marriage, many fail to discuss what each might expect as a good life for their child. From what religion their children would practise to how many children they want to have, and what kind of life they can provide for the children are all matters that have to be discussed beforehand. There are also some people who may not want to have children and fail to let a partner have this, before marriage. This could lead to conflict and cracks in the marriage.

Before getting married, a couple might not realise how difficult it is to balance a career and marriage. If both have careers, then it is important to discuss beforehand, how they will balance both. Couples also need to discuss money matters and how they will run the household. It is also important to discuss the possibility of a job requiring shifting base to a different city etc.

Many couples fall out over their individual responsibilities towards their aging parents. A wife may not appreciate her husband providing for his parents and taking care of their needs. It is important to discuss these things at the outset so both partners know exactly what to expect.

There are many other matters like past history, health issues, pets, friends etc. which need to be addressed. While it might all seem like too much information to begin with, sooner or later, couples will be glad that they were at least prepared!