You have acted on the signs your wife is cheating - she is not as needy, she is increasingly secretive, and she encourages you to go out with friends, among others - with your gardener. (Sounds like a case of Desperate Housewives, if you will) You have installed video surveillance without her knowledge, even when you could not care less for video surveillance ala Big Brother before.

Unfortunately or fortunately depending on what results you were expecting, you caught your wife being more than amorous with your part-time gardener, or the mailman or the milkman or whoever jerk dares to mess up your life in your own home. What do you do then?

Being honest with yourself means assessing how you feel about the entire fiasco. If you can bear it, watch the video surveillance tapes again and see how these make you feel. Often, the heat of the moment can blind you to the true emotions you are feeling.

If you feel that you deserve an explanation, then you can confront your wife about it. You should show her the evidence of her philandering ways, the video surveillance footages evidence she cannot refute.

If you feel that you do not need more lies, you can always pack your bags and go lest you commit murder. Remember that your life is worth spending in emotional liberty from a cheating wife and physical freedom from confining jails.

Okay, so she does not deserve your honesty. However, she does deserve to be told of how you feel about her cheating ways, how you intend to deal with it, how you want your separation and divorce to be, and how you want your children taken cared of. At the very least, you have expressed yourself in clear terms.

If you cannot confront her immediately, then you can always wait till you have good control over your emotions, or you have your lawyers with you, or you have divorce demands, or you have decided on your final course of action.

Depending on how you accept or not accept the betrayal of trust, you can "forgive and forget" or you can "give and get".

If you decide to forgive your wife and forget the whole affair, then you should:

* Consider marriage counseling and professional therapy

* Work towards forgiveness on both your parts, acknowledging that you might have a part to play in the affair

* Reconnect with each other and know each other once again

* Talk with her about your feelings and listen to her, too

If you decide to give your wife divorce papers and get a bigger share of the divorce settlement, then you can:

* Consult your lawyer about a fault-based divorce

* Make copies of the video surveillance tapes as evidence

* Draw up a list of your conjugal properties that you want divided and other properties that are rightfully your sole properties, marriage be damned

* Tell your children about the divorce plans that you are making

Indeed, in resolving relationships where one partner has cheated, there is no one size fits all solution. Otherwise, the Princess Diana and Prince Charles of this world would have amicable divorce settlements. And there was even mention of video surveillance tapes threatened against each other!

Moral of the story: Never use technology without being prepared for the consequences of the truth.