Divorce causes people to get angry. It just happens. That's part of the process of dealing with the divorce. The problem is when you become stuck in the anger and hold onto it for dear life. How many of us know a bitter & angry divorcee? You know what I mean...the ones who can't say anything positive about their ex-spouse no matter who's in the room. We've all been around them.
Today, let's focus on 3 reasons why holding onto that anger is not a good choice for you or your children.
1. It imprisons you in the past
This is anger about a relationship that is not in your future, it is ONLY in your past. You may be co-parenting with your ex-spouse and have a connection to them in that way, but no longer are you romantically linked with them.
Holding onto the anger keeps you focused on what could or should have been. There are broken dreams with the death of any marriage.
It also keeps you focused on only the bad things that happened in the relationship. All we focus on are things that fuel our anger when we are this upset. It's as if we have glasses on with a lens that filters out any happy times in order to continue feeding that anger.
2. It doesn't allow you to move forward
You aren't able to focus on the possibilities that lie ahead of you. All you can see are aspects of that past relationship.
It also causes you to hold onto the pain from that broken relationship. Wherever you go you carry around that extra baggage of pain. Would you be interested in dating someone who spends all their time bad mouthing their ex-spouse?
3. Ultimately holding onto that anger hurts your children
Your children love both of you very much. That aspect has not changed for them just because the two of you are no longer married.
Children are very adept at knowing when their parents are fighting whether it's done right in front of them or not. When these two people that they love, are at odds, it becomes very confusing for kids. They can't make sense of how this is possible. This confusion typically creates a lot of anxiety for children. In response to that anxiety, frequently they take on the responsibility of maintaining the peace rather than just being children.
Is it wrong to be angry? No! Anger is an emotion and emotions just happen without our control. The way we react to the emotion such as blowing up, or choosing to fester in it is completely in our control! You have a choice to make. No, this is not an easy process and it doesn't just happen overnight.
