At some point in our lives most of us have been wronged, betrayed, lied to or hurt by another. It is very difficult in this imperfect word full of imperfect people not to be on the receiving end of some injustice. Obviously there are degrees of hurt depending on the circumstances, from someone not inviting you to a party, to the betrayal and deep hurt that comes from someone you have loved for years cheating on you or leaving you.

Hurt and how do I deal with it?

Each time we are hurt we are faced with the question of what do we do with the hurt, how to we process it and how will it affect our lives in the future. When it comes to forgiving and understanding its power and importance perhaps it easier to look at what it is not to forgive, than it is to be forgiving.

What happens when we don't forgive?

Often our desire not to forgive is based on a belief that to forgive is to some how let the person of the hook .How could we forgive a child abuser, Hitler or any other person that commits a hideous crime. Yet this is based on a lack of understanding of what forgiving really is. To forgive or not to forgive relates to an internal choice of what you choose to hold on to in your own thoughts and feelings.

The repercussions of never being able to forgive.

By being unforgiving you are holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal. Being unforgiving you're saying to yourself "I am not going to let this event go and I going to remain angry, bitter resentful and hurt. Being unforgiving does not change the past or hold back the person you don't forgive, rather it is a self inflicted poison that can only lead to a more miserable life.

A real event.

One of my clients told me once about what she did when she discovered that her husband was leaving her for a younger woman. They had been married 30 years and although it brought her much sadness rather than try to punish her husband for what he was doing, she told him honestly that she wanted him to be happy. An incredibly hard thing to do and it was certainly not for her husbands benefit. It was for her own as she'd rather not spend years of misery dwelling on what had happened. She decided she did not want to be left with a bitter heart because of what he had done and so through her love for her spiritual self she realised the best way forward was to forgive.

What our actions mean for others.

To be forgiving is also to acknowledge that we too unknowingly hurt others as well. Your partner may have betrayed you but if you look back in your life and think who have you hurt, who have you let down and disappointed. We too are imperfect with faults and failings, so in forgiving others you are also forgiving yourself, as often the judgement and condemnation of others reflect what we feel and judge in ourselves.

The advantages of a big heart.

Although it may be extremely difficult to forgive someone who has betrayed you, it will actually be more harmful and take a lot more time if you don't. You can put all your energy into being resentful and at the end of the day still have nothing. So I say to you, when faced with a painful event or deep hurt, look right down into your heart and make the decision to be forgiving. The experience will be a huge weight off your shoulders and the rejuvenating power of forgiveness will leberate your mind, body and soul.