One of the most important things in our family is our value system. As a family we often talk about what is important to us and why. One of these values is that I promote honesty above all else and the consequences are never as severe for children who own up to something.

But yesterday Sam decided to put me to the test by telling a lie. Now I'm sure it wasn't a lie in his mind. Nevertheless he told me an untruth. He said that he missed the bus to school sports because his teacher kept him in at lunch time.

When I phoned his teacher I found out the truth. Yes, he had been kept in for a few minutes at lunch time but he did still have plenty of time to catch the bus to sports. But on the way to the bus he had been given a better offer from a friend of his so Sam simply decided to go to another sport instead, without telling anyone.

I couldn't understand why Sam had pointed the finger at his school teacher when it wasn't her fault at all. He missed the bus because he had been making poor choices. But why had he tried to blame a teacher? I was puzzled as to why he hadn't taken responsibility for his actions.

Now here's the thing: we cannot control what our kids say or do. But we can and should be in charge of what we do about it. And this where the kids learn to do things differently next time. When Sam gets home from school today I am going to talk to him about trying to blame everyone else for his mistakes. I want Sam to think about what he would do if he was the parent. Sam is thinking right now that he has done nothing wrong because he is trying to justify his actions. So I want to get him thinking about how we can change things.

I must help Sam realize that he needs to be more responsible for his actions. He needs to learn not to blame other people when in fact it wasn't anyone else's fault at all. If I can help him realize that then I have done a good thing.

The end result is that Sam will be getting a consequence. I want to show him that he made the wrong choice. I might ban him from the computer for a day or two, just long enough for him to be annoyed and perhaps think about why he was banned. I want him to feel motivated to change his actions the next time and learn from this incident.

Parents, you have a chance to choose what your family's core values will be. You should talk to your kids about them, encourage them and uphold them at all times. Your kids will thank you later on in life, you can be sure of that. So think about your core family values today.