Homework is a child's responsibility, so we need to be careful how much wehelp. We want to be aware of what our children are doing and be involved inhelpful ways, but not help too much. Avoid the word "we" ? it impliesthat homework is our responsibility. Say, "When are you going to doyour homework?" If they are having problems, figure out why.

If children have a time management problem, teach them how toschedule their time, instead of taking over and reminding them. Ask questionslike, "How much time do you need for homework? Would you like to dohomework right after school or right after dinner? How can you remember when itis time to do your homework?"

If children don't understand homework, ask questions that help themfigure out the answer. "What are you supposed to do here? Where in thebook does it talk about this?" If children don't understand theinformation, we can try explaining it. We do not have to understand whatchildren are learning to be helpful. We just need to know the skills forhelping our children find their own answers. If children need dailyhelp, they may benefit from a tutor more than our taking responsibility forhelping them. It's a delicate balance to be helpful, without fosteringdependency, rescuing, or helping too much.

If children forget a book, lunch, or homework, teach organizationalskills and use problem solving to let children chose self-reminders. Avoidbeing their reminder or rescuer. Agree to deliver forgotten items no more thanthree times per year. After that, the child will need to experience the naturalconsequence of not having the item.

If children don't see the value of homework, avoid lecturing. Askquestions like, "Why do you think the teacher wants you to do homework?How can doing homework help you? What will happen if you don't do it?"Offer one brief value statement like, "Sometimes people ask us todo things they feel are important but we don't. At work I have to do what myboss asks me to do. School is your job and teachers are your boss. You need tofollow the schools rules, even if you don't agree with them. As long as theyaren't asking you to do something hurtful or wrong, you need to do what theyask to do your job well."

When children don't do homework on purpose, it could be one offour reasons:

?  Children might "act stupid" soteachers (or parents) will pay attention and spend time helpingthem. If the parent/teacher involves the child in meaningful activities orspends other special time with the child, it can prevent or stop this behavior.

?  Children might want to prove that they have power,by refusing to cooperate. "You can't make me." They also might see ifthey can get others to take over and do the work for them. After all, if otherswill take responsibility why not let them?

?  Children might not do homework to"punish" a disliked teacher. If good grades are important to parentsand children want to hurt them, getting poor grades can be revenge.Help children find more appropriate ways to resolve the problem with theparent/teacher.

?  Children may not do their homework becausethey are so discouraged they have given up. Give encouragement,not pressure, and help them break down assignments into smaller tasks to solve.

Children who have given up on school are experiencing a deeper problem.Listen closely to identify the real issue. This is what needs to beresolved. Have children brainstorm possible solutions. You may enlistprofessional guidance, if indicated.

Thetwo key points to remember about halting homework hassles are (a) you need toidentify and resolve the "real issue" that's causing the problem and(b) do this in a way that teaches children how to solve their ownproblems.