Maybe it all began with the pioneers circling the wagons, but I've seen communication take that same route. When my mom wanted my dad to know something, she'd tell me to tell him. Or if it was for my brother, she'd tell our sister. I see evading communication in others, so I don't think my family was alone in this.

Examples: Phil believes that an associate is interfering with his project to gain headway with the CEO. What should he do? What strategy will insure his ultimate success?

Tiffany is positive that all she say and does is being judged by her new parents-in-law and that their harsh judgment will cause her marriage to fail.

Matthew blew his presentation. He is positive of it, and will shy away from the spotlight in the future to avoid such humiliation.

No one is sabotaging these three individuals except themselves. All they have to do is change their focus, get curious and ask the question. Sound simple?

Change their focus. All three have their eye and thoughts on the ill fated results of loss or embarrassment. What you think about is what you create. Unknowingly each one is crafting failing in one form or another. However, if Phil changes his focus to amazing his CEO with diligence and creativity, what results will he then produce? Be aware of competition, but don't let it adversely affect you.

Get curious. Tiffany notices her in-laws watching her closely. Are they really judging her? Are they perhaps eager to learn more about her through her actions and behavior? Is this more about Tiffany's lack of confidence? Perhaps they've never seen a tennis match played or table set the way she does and they are enamored! What will this curiosity open up to her?

Ask the question: Honestly, there's just one way to know about a thing for certain and for sure: ask. Why do we shy away from going to the source? Chances are high that if Matthew asks for feedback on his presentation, he'll learn how to fine tune it; if Tiffany or Phil ask directly, they'll gain valuable information as well.

Go directly to the source. This is never actually as difficult as it may initially seem. Additionally, asking the question saves time and energy; makes things much clearer and in the long run saves relationships. Even the most intuitive of us never knows where the other is coming from without an open discussion. Even then, watch for signs.

A method of listening in the coaching world is called 'level three listening.' This is listening with all of your senses—your eyes, ears, intuition, gut. Listen to what is really being said and what is not. This intense listening leads to intriguing questions which will result in greater understanding. Seek first to understand before being understood.

Be bold this week. Be courageous enough to change your focus, become curious and then ask the questions you've help back. Your communication will be so enhanced. Have a wonderful week and enjoy your discoveries!