Especially in phases of a relationships development where conflicts are common it make a huge difference if we are able to dare to move to understanding. Because it takes courage. In many ways one could argue that conflict resolution and management are about these two perspectives. In times of conflict, do you spend most of your energy on understanding the other person or is your main focus to be understood by the other person?
Sometimes we kid ourselves by thinking we are really trying to understand while we actually are filling our heads with our own images, our own maps, our own declarations that are meant to clarify what the other person means. More seldom do we dare to seize the moment, empty our head for a short instance and just devote ourselves to truly understanding and taking in the other person's view of things and perception of the world.
We tend to have our answer playing in our head, so as soon as the other person goes silent for a short moment, deliver that answer with our own words and explanations.
To dare to make a halt and empty ourselves of our own stuff takes, as stated above, courage. It often also requires a trust that the other person will pause and do the same for us. Meaning they will during a time of full attention devote themselves to understanding us.
Countless times I have been in situations where two people with amazing stubbornness devote themselves to being understood. Think of the affect it would have on several on the conflicts in our world if there was a genuine interest for understanding. People who that someone else is passionate about understanding will feel seen and important. People who feel seen and important will feel safe inside. People who feel safe inside do not start wars. People who feel safe inside spread love in the world and allows themselves the luxury of devoting time to understanding other people.
To be able to understand there is an excellent tool in asking questions. Ask with the perspective of understanding the world, the map, the views of the other person. Indulge in a trip together through each others paradigms and views of the world. If you wish to understand another person you need to walk several miles in her shoes.
I wish for you deep understanding and great relationships,
Markus Eriksson
The author Markus Eriksson, is an international developer of human potential, having worked with organizations, leaders and individuals in Asia, Europe and America for over 10 years. He is a much appreciated meeting facilitator, speaker and multimedia author. He is also the creator of the ?Everything Your Parents Did Not Tell You?-series in which he with a combination of straight forwardness, warmth and humour shares his knowledge to make you and the world even better. You can find him
