Living With a Golfer

If you're wed to a golfer, you'll understand how other wives feel about being left out when their husbands take to the greens far and away. When schedules just don't fit in, women have to be left behind with the kids. But when everybody's timetable jives with the golfer's schedule, everybody goes to the tournament in England, Ireland, or in other part of the globe where the game of golf is revered.

But just the same, your mate will be busy swinging his iron while you watch from the sidelines and drag yourself along to the next hole. If you're no golfing enthusiast, this can be torture when all you want is to go out and have fun with the kids, or have iced coffee somewhere where it is cool.

But in the name of love, you'll be tagging along, wishing you were somewhere in those cool Fiji resorts soaking in the sun and sea, instead of tailing your mate who is oblivious of your presence anyway. After the golf tournament, there will be celebrations with more golfers and golf talk around. There's little time to shop or see the sights because there's another tournament and your husband can't afford to miss it because the golfing stars will be there.

You've watched your mate go crazy over the latest golf clubs, heard him rant about the teeing ground rules, and listened to him patiently when he explains that when a ball has to be hit, it has to be fairly struck with the head of the club. No pushing, scraping, or spooning is allowed, and it gets his goat when he is disqualified just because he happened to spoon the ball. Ah, well. But you continue to indulge him because you love him so.

Staying Sane

The way to strike back is to learn the game, no matter how hard it is to learn the right swing and hitting the golf ball. Learn the lingo so you can discuss golf into the night. But if golf is not your cup of tea, here are some tips to stay sane.

* Ask your husband to teach your children golf so he has no choice but to baby-sit while you take your beauty sleep.

* Let him put a golfing calendar so you can build your activities on days when he can't even recognize you.

* Demand that he does the chores when there are no golf tourneys or you won't rouse him for those early golf practices.

* Ask him how much he pays for the caddy so you can earn that extra money.

* Love him for what he is by preparing his favorite meals, especially when he loused up a tee several times.

* Have all his golfing pictures captioned and framed.

* Massage his sore legs and assure him he can still make it the next day.

On normal days, meaning he can see and hear you, be pleasant. Avoid talking about golf for a change. Treat him to a good back rub and be gentle when you break the news - the credit card bills are due. That will surely bring him back to earth.