Foreplay & Sexual Response

What we've learned so far is that men are physically able and ready to have sexual intercourse almost as soon as they are aroused. An erect penis is all it really takes on their end because all of the other physical changes will continue to follow regardless of what happens next. In fact, most men are eager and willing to start engaging in sexual activity by the end of their first stage and the start of their second.

Women, as we've seen, do not work that way most of the time.

Although they are easy to excite, they don't automatically jump to the second stage nor are they ready for intercourse until near the very end of their second stage.

When we combine those facts what we see is that most couples engage in sex before the woman is physically ready and this makes it nearly impossible for her to reach orgasm, particularly through vaginal intercourse.

Women need to build up to that point, which is why foreplay is so important.

Before we talk about different types of foreplay, I want to point out another fact often overlooked by men. That point is that foreplay not only makes sex better for women but it also improves the male orgasm. Let me explain why. The longer men hold off from sex the more sexual tension builds in their body. The more tension that's released during orgasm, the stronger the orgasm is going to be. It's like pulling a rubber band. The tighter and more tense the rubber band is pulled, the further its going to fly when its finally released. That means foreplay won't just help your partner reach orgasm; it will also help you have better and stronger orgasms.

Foreplay Guidelines

We can't talk about foreplay without first setting down some guidelines. Most men and women do not understand these guidelines and are, as a result, not as good at foreplay as they could be. These are important to learn now because when you and your partner in the heat of the moment you won't have time to check back.

? Foreplay does not involve genital touching ? Some couples I've worked with had the believe that if the woman was giving theman a hand-job or if the man was playing with her clitoris then this was foreplay because there was no penetration. The answer is no. Good foreplay does not involve genital touching. Keep your hands away from the vagina until you know that she is well into the second stage. Also, if she tries to touch your penis, you should pull her hand away. By holding back, you'll be increasing sexual tension in both of you.

? Foreplay is not the same as oral sex ? Another problem I've seen with couples is that they falsely believe that oral sex is a type of foreplay. While it's true that some people would agree with that idea, the truth is that oral sex is just another variation of vaginal intercourse. Also, refer back to the first guidelines and keep your hands ? and your tongue ? off of each other's genitals.

? Foreplay should be slow ? Foreplay is not meant to be a quick hurdle men have to jump in order to get to intercourse. Instead, it is supposed to be a slow, gradual increase in sexual arousal and tension. When it's done well, women become so aroused that they will actually beg for penetration. Imagine how that would make you feel as a lover!

? Foreplay can begin anywhere ? Another misconception about foreplay is that it must begin in the location where sex is going to happen. For example, if you are going to have sex in the bedroom then foreplay starts when you get into the bedroom. That's not true. Foreplay can begin anywhere. In fact, location can increase the effectiveness of foreplay considerably. We'll discuss that more a little later in this article.

Foreplay Techniques

Below are some examples of foreplay techniques you can use to get your partner in the right mood before sexual intercourse. These techniques can be used together, but remember to start slowly and build on the passion.

If you move too quickly, you won't achieve the desired effect.

? Dirty talking ? Never underestimate the power of words to turn on your partner. Imagine looking into your partner's eyes over dinner at a nice restaurant and whispering, ?You look so sexy tonight I can barely keep my hands off of you.? You can even follow it up with a description of what you'd like to do to her.

For example, you might say, ?When we get home, I'm going to slowly undress you, lay you down on the bed, and give you the best full body massage you've ever had.? This kind of comments will make your partner feel desirable and that will increase her arousal, plus she'll be able to start fantasizing about how your hands are going to feel caressing her body and that's definitely going to build her anticipation for more. Just remember that you need to follow through with whatever you say. If you promise her an amazing massage, then you need to deliver.

Women are not turned on by promise breakers.

? Gentle touching ? I've met with women who complain that men don't know how to touch them. By this they usually mean that men don't know how to be gentle. For example, they grope their breasts instead of stroking them. A gentle touch even in the most non-sexual place can have incredible results. There's a scene in a movie that illustrates this point. The movie, Don Juan DeMarco, starred Johnny Depp as a man who believed he was a world class lover who only thought about pleasing the women he was with. In an early scene, he meets a strange woman in a restaurant and sets her on fire simply by stroking part of her hand. While some may argue Johnny Depp could have that effect on a woman without touching her, there is truth to the message the character is conveying. Softly stroking your partner's shoulders or gliding your hands lightly over her back can send shivery tingles through her body the way other types of touches won't, especially early on in the arousal process.

? Kissing ? Kissing is an incredible type of foreplay but it is often misused because partners don't communicate what they like and what they don't like. There are many, many different ways of kissing romantically and each way is appropriate at different stages of the process. For example, if your partner is merely aroused, you wouldn't want to begin using a lot of tongue while you're kissing. Most women seem to dislike a lot of tongue use anyway which surprises most men. Gentle kissing is best at first, including brushing your lips over her fingers, her palm, her earlobes, her inner thighs, even her toes. Remember kissing does not always have to involve her lips. There's a lot more of her body to touch and taste. As her level of arousal increases, your kissing can become more passionate. If you do use your tongue, only use the tip to touch her tongue or her lips gently.

Unless you know for a fact that it turns your partner on, don't thrust your entire tongue into her mouth. Most women find this to be a turn off.