Feeling it during intercourse

Depending on the size and exact location of your G-spot, you may or may not be able to feel stimulation during intercourse. You're most likely to feel something if you have your pelvis raised.

Another popular position is to be on all fours or bending over from a standing position and allowing penetration from behind. You'll need to experiment.

Discussing Orgasms With Your Partner

We've talked about a lot of things in this book which should help you understand female orgasm better and should help you make it easier for your partner to achieve that goal as well. However, before you can really begin putting all of this information to use, you'll probably need to discuss orgasms with your partner.

When it comes to issues of sex and intimacy, women are often as close-mouthed as men. They may not want to admit that they've been faking orgasms because they don't want to hurt your feelings. They may not feel comfortable talking about sex acts or their fantasies. They may not want to admit that they have masturbated. There are all types of issues your partner may be reluctant to discuss.

However, if you are going to have a mature, mutually satisfying sex

life, these topics must be discussed. Communication, after all, is the best

technique for finding out what your partner wants.

In this chapter, we'll look at some of the topics you'll need to discuss

and how you can more easily approach the subject with her.

Masturbation

Several times in the book I've talked about how important female masturbation is because it helps women learn what feels good to their bodies. When women can experiment in privacy and can learn their bodies better, they become more responsive lovers who can guide you in your quest to bringing them greater sexual satisfaction. The problem is that a large percentage of women who have masturbated are ashamed or embarrassed to admit it.

While society pretty much accepts male masturbation, it still views

female masturbation as somewhat taboo. Plus, women today were probably

raised in households where such things were simply not discussed. Many

adult women are shocked when they finally discover that their mothers were also masturbating all that time.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all of this is because you may face difficulty when it comes to talking about masturbating with your partner. Now, of course, some women have no problems broaching the subject. Others, however, are more timid. You'll sort of have to feel your way through the conversation. To help you, I've developed an example conversation below which is similar to many of the conversations I've helped my clients plan when they wanted to discuss this sensitive matter with the women in their lives. It should give you some idea of how to begin the conversation and how to steer it in the right direction.

Also, keep in mind that while not all sex conversations should take place in the bedroom, this one may be a good one to have on the bed while both of you are feeling a little amorous. That way it will make what comes next a little easier.

You: ?Can I ask you something, baby??

Her: ?What??

You: ?Do you ever get yourself off??

Her: ?What do you mean??

You: ?You know, do you ever masturbate??

Her: ?I'm not going to tell you that.?

You (keeping the conversation light and playful): ?Come on, why

not??

Her: ?It's private.?

You: ?I masturbate. Sometimes when I see how hot you look I get so turned on that I can't help myself. Don't you ever feel that way??

Her: ?I'm not going to tell you

You: ?I think it would be really hot to watch you get yourself off.?

Her: ?Really??

You: ?Absolutely! But since you don't do that . . . ?

Her: ?Maybe I've done it a couple of times.?

You: ?Does it feel good??

Her: ?Not as good as being with you.?

You: ?Maybe you could show me how good it feels.?

Her: ?You want me to masturbate in front of you??

You: ?I think it would be really sexy.?

At this point, your partner may or may not agree. If she does agree, sit back and watch quietly. Don't try to get involved or to offer words of encouragement. Pay attention to how she pleases herself. For example, does she use a toy or her hand? This can be very useful information for you because if you want to provide added stimulation during intercourse then you can use whichever method she normally prefers.

Of course, there's a good chance that your partner may not be eager to pleasure herself in front of you. If that's the case, you can always offer a compromise. Instead of you watching from inside the bedroom, ask her if you can tape her masturbating. You'd be somewhere else in the house or gone completely, but the videotape or DVD would record her masturbating in private. You'd be able to see her in action without her feeling as if she's invading your privacy.

If she doesn't go along with that idea, then you may need to drop the

subject for a little while. That doesn't mean you can't go ahead and start

experimenting with methods of clitoral stimulation.

You may also have a partner who has honestly never masturbated. In

that case, she may not be able to give you much feedback about what feels

good to her because she probably won't know. That's not a bad thing; it just

means you'll be doing a lot of trial and error. It also means that you're going

to need good communication so when you do hit upon something that sends

pleasure racing through her body she lets you know.

Fantasies

Fantasies are one of the best tools in the pleasure arsenal. If you act out or talk about your partner's fantasy during intercourse, you're likely to amp up her arousal dramatically. Her fantasies can also give you ideas about which techniques and positions she may be most open to trying.

Remember that some fantasies are not meant to be acted out. A client of mine from a few years back had a partner who fantasized about watching him receive oral sex from another woman. This was not a fantasy she wanted to really see, however. Instead, it represented how turned on she became by watching people having sex. Fantasies involving violence or bondage may represent a partner's desire to take a more dominant or submissive role during sex but may not mean your partner literally wants to be hit or tied up.