An interview with Len Blum

Montreal, March 27, 2006

Len Blum has written many hit comedies in the past 30 years, such as Over

the Hedge, The Pink Panther, Heavy Metal, Feds, Beethoven's 2nd, Meatballs,

Howard Stern's Private Parts. He lives in Montreal.

Len Blum:

Let's discuss the physical experience at the movie theatre. The audience

paid their money for a good time, their body feels pretty good. The very

first joke in a comedy is very important. Because it either gives them the

confidence that they are in good hands, and their chest begins to open with

the first laugh, their voice relaxes, it gets easier to laugh. So they feel

that they made a good choice, the anxiety goes away, or they begin to worry

... ?that wasn't very funny, maybe I wasted my money? . The chest and the

throat tighten, the second laugh is even harder. So the first joke needs to

be strong.

Sometimes if you laugh a lot, your voice will actually hurt at the end of

it. And you can hear the audience laughing. Certain things are funnier to

women, with high laughter, other things to men. Very often, one person has

a very funny laugh. Or something happens on the screen, you don't find it

that funny, but you hear the funny laugh, and you go ?hey, somebody out

there thinks this is funny? and it makes you laugh. So that vibration gets

shared, and it becomes a powerful physical experience?

THE HOLLYWOOD READER

The important reader is a person who can sign a check that will deliver a

lot of money to the writer. That reader tends to be a man over the age of

40, sometimes you get a woman in which case you are luckier, they are more

patient, their eyes will move more slowly and they will take it in better.

Chances are, it will be a man over 40, and the first thing you need to know

about him is that the Hollywood reader hates to read. Repeat that: HE

HATES TO READ! He has a staff between three and thirteen people, who read

everything that comes in. They have a young Chinese woman, a young black

man, a young MBA from Harvard, they all read stuff that come from agents ( a

lot of stuff), because these readers form a large cross-section of the

audience. Each reader might read 10 pieces a week. Only one of those pieces

is good enough to be sent to the Hollywood reader. These are scripts or

books, but they won't be treatments or synopsis (a treatment is usually

pitched in person , for three or five minutes). And the person who is

pitching is very open to ideas, it usually is not a set thing. If the

executive suggests ideas, or changes, the writer is responsive to them.

It is a team sport. So let us say the Hollywood reader has 10 readers

sending him one script each. He has ten scripts to read on Saturday

morning. He hates to read. He wants to go play tennis, gold, have a swim,

or watch movies on the screen, but he cannot until he finishes reading those

10 scripts. He is expecting that they will all be "shit". He is motivated

to throw the first one in the garbage can, as soon as he can. So if he can

reject it on page one, it is a good thing. At this rate, he can go golf by

ten in the morning. He picks up the first script, the first thing he does

is look at how many pages it contains. If it is 130 pages, he thinks ?this

asshole, thinks he is gonna keep me interested in hundred and thirty pages,

let's see!?. He is feeling negative, he has got a chip on the shoulder, and

if he can reject it on the first paragraph, he will throw it away. If he

sees the script has 119 pages, he will feel okay, if it is 109, he will feel

good, it won't appear too long.

His eyes will start in the upper left hand corner, page one, and it will

move to the bottom right-hand corner. Job number one is legibility. It

means that his eyes have to have the easiest task of moving, which means no

complicated words ? use the shorter simpler words ? and minimum description.

Don't describe a room with four pictures unless one of those pictures

becomes a murder weapon. You don't mention anything specific, unless it

plays a part in the action. Describe the room in 2 or 3 words, so that you

convey the attitude of the decoration, for example, rather than the details.

Understand that his eyes are going to go much too quickly! So job number

one, give him an easy time, and you want to slow down his eyes by creating

some interesting things.

At the end of page one, something has to compel him to turn to page two.

He would rather throw it in the garbage. That ?thing?, for my purposes, is

a joke. Then as he is reading, his eyes are moving smoothly, nothing

complicated intellectually, he laughs, visual stream freezes, he still sees

the joke, chest is pleasantly shaken, eyes re-attach to top left corner of

page two, hungry for the next happy experience. The eyes are going to move

down to the bottom of page two, happier than it was on page one. Where

should the next joke be? On the bottom of page two. The reader will be

greatly disappointed if there is no joke. He is going to think ?Maybe the

thing is running out of steam?. If he laughs again at the bottom of page

two, he will turn the page.

The next best thing, if you don't have a joke, is a compelling question, at

the bottom of page one. ?Did you sleep with her??. He will turn the page

just to find out if he slept with her ? a very simple transaction. This

approach is very important for the first twenty pages. Why? Because the

Hollywood reader has no emotional commitment to your story, he does not know

your characters, he doesn't care about their problems yet. By the time he

gets involved, it becomes easier to turn the pages. It is a relationship,

and you the writer, are manipulating the reader. A little treat at the end

of page one, to make him turn to page two. You have to keep those pages

turning to increase his sense of commitment and interest in your characters

and their problems.

You cannot introduce their problem on page 25, you will not get him to page

25, their problem, or the extraordinary event has to happen rather quickly.

YOUR JOB IS TO KEEP HIS EYES MOVING SMOOTHLY AND HAPPILY, WITHOUT A LOT OF WORK, AND KEEP THE PAGES TURNING.

Within that architecture of the page, there are a few things that I do. I

have a paragraph of description, let's say a 3-line log, then I have

dialogue. Let's say the first and second lines are very long, and the third

one is just 2 words. This is not good. His eyes are a muscle, and he is

over 40. His eyes get tired easily. Here, his eyes are going from the far

left to the far right, twice. Then he has to jump in the middle for the

dialogue. I would rather have a three-quarter length line, a second

three-quarter length line, and the third line would be half the page, so

that it ends right above the dialogue line. That said, I want this to be

logical syntax.. I don't like to end the line with a word like ?of?. It

looks funny, it is incomplete. Sometimes, I will end the line with

something like ?and?, because I want his eyes to find out ?and what??. You

are manipulating his eyes all the time. I know this sounds like a lot of

work, I know you want this to be about your brilliant idea , but he will not

get to the content, unless you reward him all the time, for keeping his eyes

moving and turning pages, that is your first job.

THE CHARACTER NAMES

The names of characters: no 2 names should begin with the same letter, or

should be the same length. A character name is like a brand name. A very

good character name is for example AZA, because the reader's eyes don't even

have to read it, he can tell from the way it looks who is talking. You can

have a character named Beatrice, but you can't have another character named

Bettina, because remember, he wants to play golf, he hates reading. Try to

have the main characters names have a look, that he will take in. The name

is a logo.

Introducing your main characters, generally, the first reference does not

use their name. ?A young man, filled with energy, walks into the room, and

trips over a dog. This is Bobo?. You give him an action before you give

him a name. The action has to be a distinctive happening. So you first

have the picture, then you have the label. Then, right after you give him a

name, you go over to the dialogue ?Who put this god dam dog here??. These

are not strict rules, but for a comedy, if he says something funny, then our

reader gets to laugh. You established a positive relationship. Or if he is

the villain, you visualize him doing something evil, you see the name, and

then the villain says whatever evil thing he wants to say. The villain has

to say something more imaginative and more creative than the reader expects.

The villain has to be smarter than the reader expects. The first thing

the characters say is a wonderful thing, that sets the character in the

reader's mind. Unless he is a silent character, as a Ninja, he can come in

and kill someone and leave. But he still has to do something distinctive;

he still has to paint his mark on the forehead of the victim, before he

leaves. Then you know, you are dealing with an interesting character.

THE EYES

In movies, they say it is about this (Len indicates a close-up of the eyes

with his hands). The close-up is the most important shot in any movie.

The eyes are in fact a window to the soul, and the actors who become

extremely successful can say anything just with their eyes. When Rudolph

Valentino died (he was the first romantic silent movie star), thousands and

thousands of women threw themselves to the ground weeping and screaming

because their lover had died! Why was he so powerful? Cinema was

relatively new, and his eyes would say ?Now, I'm gonna make love to you?.

The women would be turned on by him because the message in his eyes was so

powerful, they would have a physical response. Film still operates at that

level. John Travolta is very successful because, as he says, he has a very

transparent face. You could see what he thinks, what he is feeling, it is

not that hidden. He is not overacting and you can just see what he feels.

So how does the writer deal with the eyes? When we want to provide a look

into the character? soul, into his emotions, after the character's name (in

the dialog mode), you put brackets and write ?eyes brightening?, or ?eyes

narrowing?, because the reader suddenly feels he is looking into the

character's face. You can do that only for main characters, only at the

most important time, as a way to look into the character.

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

The main female character in my most recent screenplay was described

something along the lines as ?She is so beautiful you can't stop looking at

her. She is so beautiful, you hate yourself for looking at her, and you

wished you could stop, but you can't. She is just that beautiful. Her

name is ? ?. You might think it is pretty transparent, but in fact, when

the actress reads it, she is saying ?that's me!?, because she is beautiful

and men have responded that way to her beauty. What she wants is to

magnetize the men, unconsciously. So she identifies with the description,

and so does the studio executive, who wants to put her in his movie, because

he thinks she is so beautiful. Not every character has to be beautiful, of

course, but if you are writing for a beautiful woman, I use that kind of

language because I am selling it both to the executive, and also to the

actress.

The description of your main male character is about energy, or attitude,

such as ?he has a special magnetism, that is almost never seen, but when you

see it, you know he definitely has it?. It is bullshit, but they believe

it! Then you give him a good initial action, so that he is memorable.

THE VISUAL PARADOX

The first global film star was Charlie Chaplin. He was asked to make films

while still a vaudeville comedian, and he turned it down. He was working on

his character the little tramp. Two years later he came back and had it

perfected. He described the little tramp as follows: ?Shoes too big, hat

too small, pants too baggy, jacket too tight, you can't tell if he is a rich

man on his way down, or a poor man on his way up?. That is a visual

paradox. It creates an unconscious question in your mind, and you want to

answer that question. Paul Newman is a very good-looking actor. In a

movie, he goes to a kitchen, picks up the old coffee grounds in the garbage

can, and uses them to make some coffee. Here's your visual paradox. This

very successful looking person is seemingly down and out, and we want to

know, what is his problem? It is not one thought ?Good looking guy?, it is

two thoughts. Woody Allen creates a character who should never end up with

beautiful women, but somehow he does end up having relationships with them.

You want to find out why. If you could create a visual paradox, you will

have a much more interesting character.

PUNCTUATION

At the beginning, I want to slow down the reader's eyes just a little bit.

The reader is accustomed to seeing very rapid cutting in the movies, on

television. But I do want the eyes to take in what's on the page, to take

in the jokes, but if his eyes are going too fast, they won't take in

anything. He hates to read, he wants to go through this as quickly as

possible. So I am going to slow down his reading by using appropriate

punctuation. Comas, periods, dashes, ? ??, I create breathing spaces.

Even in dialogue, I will use ???. I never write ?pause?, because it takes

energy to the eyes to read it. For short pauses, I'll use ?space, dash,

space? ( - ), a longer pause may be ?space, hyphen, hyphen, space? ( -- ),

but most of the times I use ??? which is a full pause. Particularly for

dialogue, you want to deliver with pauses. We don't talk fluently and

smoothly all the time. And two-third into the movie, the story stops being

about a lot of things, and starts to narrow down about one thing. The

movie moves very quickly to the last third. I'll start dropping the

punctuation, and shortening sentences, because I want the eyes to move more

quickly, which leads to a faster heartbeat, to more excitement. So I'll

write two-word sentences, even one-word sentences. Example, a good one-word

sentence is ?Blood.? You don't need anything else, such as descriptions.

You put the location, that's it, in order to move forward. Remember, a

hundred pages have gone by, his eyes are more tired, you give him new things

to keep his eyes energized, such as jokes, sexuality, physicality, ?Wham!?.

Intellectual conflict does not energize the eye. I am talking about writing

in order to make a good living. I am not trying to wash away your deep

thoughts. I am just talking about this: you want to get the check, use

those techniques that I have developed over twenty five years, knowing who

the reader is.

THE BATHROOM SYNDROME

I want the reader to actually want to turn pages not only for the first

twenty pages, but for the entire screenplay. Even after I know they are

interested in the story. I want the reader to finish the entire screenplay

before having to get up to go to the bathroom. A guy over forty, who

doesn't like reading, chances are he is going to want to give his eyes a

break, go to the bathroom half way through. But if I can make those eyes

move nice and smooth towards the end, pages turning very quickly, you will

find him read it with one sitting, and then he will go to the bathroom. If

he goes to the bathroom, whatever emotional or action momentum built up is

going to be hurt. He will have other thoughts, read a magazine, maybe get a

snack; his mind will be cluttered with other things than your characters and

their problems. But if you can have him read in one sitting, the momentum

will build up, he will have a big laugh, get excited, then he goes ?Wow! I

think I like that!?. He will go to the bathroom and ask himself if he

really liked it?

If he does, he now has to decide if he is going to commit fifty million

dollars to making it, another fifty to advertise it? But, he will show it

to other people, maybe senior members of his team. That is why I am using

these techniques. As a writer, you are creating a relationship with the

reader. It is a seduction, even though the writer should stay invisible.

A GOOD STORY

What is a good story? In a nutshell, if it happens to me, it is a good

story (laughter)? In the sense that if I am personally emotionally involved

with the story, the better the writing will be. I am talking about habits

to take on the page, to give the reader's eyes a positive experience. For

the past 15 years, my approach was to ask myself : ?How am I going to write

this movie? What is the reason that keeps me going back to the table

everyday? What am I trying to achieve for myself, not money wise, but as a

writer??. And once I think I got that, things go pretty smoothly. There is

no formula. It is different each and every time.