I want to tell you a secret that has helped me have a loving marriage for more than 24 years. The secret involves remembering how wonderful and precious my wife is to me. On our wedding day, the celebrant compared our marriage to a tapestry that we would weave every day. How does my secret involve that tapestry? I'll tell you, but first, let's review something about human relationships.



Many famous thinkers, ranging from Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill, James Earl Ray, John Assaraf, Bob Proctor and many others, share a common belief that your thinking shapes how you feel and what you do. Thoughts that are repeated have a profound effect on your life. Nearly one hundred years ago, James Allen once wrote, "You become what you think about" in his book, "As a Man Thinketh." One hundred years later, that truth is being validated by neuroscience and quantum physics.

How Your Brain Works

Top neuroscientists have come to understand that repeated thoughts create electrochemical charges that create neural pathways in the brain. This means that when we think the same thoughts over and over, a "road" is created in our brain so that those thoughts become automatic. Once the habit is formed, those habits create beliefs that prompt how we act toward ourselves and other people.

In a family setting, there are many different relationships: between parent and child, brother and sister, child and parent. Automatic happy thoughts that are wholesome and life-giving lead to happy relationships. Destructive and negative thinking leads to strained relationships.

Many Relationships are Threatened by Negative Thinking

Many renowned psychologists have dedicated their lives to studying what destroys marriages, families, friendships and communities. What they have learned is that repeated words which criticize, condemn, and minimize others are major causes to the decline of happiness in relationships. And words are thoughts with vocal chords.

The statistics are dramatic: 40-to-50 % of marriages fail; domestic violence is prevalent. Family life is threatened by apathy, depression and substance abuse. Gory details about crime, unrest and social anxiety are on the nightly news and in newspaper headlines. But it doesn't have to be that way. Your family relationships can be very positive, fulfilling and long-lasting.

Love, Joy and Happiness are Created by Positive Beliefs and Thoughts

Many strong marriages, families, friendships and communities thrive when there are respect, trust and confidence in one another. These relationships have a common rooting in a positive belief: that God is present and involved with people. What would each of these be like if every person remembered that God is involved in their relationships? God is like that third strand in a three-ply cord. Every relationship involves you, the other person and God. By remembering that God is tightly woven into the tapestry of your life, making kinder and more loving friendships is easier to do.

The Rest of the Story

I promised to tell you a secret about how I have been able to value my wife for more than 24 years. While I am not perfect, the secret I learned is to remember my wife in a very positive way, especially when we are not together. When we first became engaged, I learned what her name, Cheryl, means. That name comes from the Latin and means "Filled with beauty and grace." I found a pocket card in a gift store with her name, bought it and have carried it my wallet for the last 24 years. Whenever I read that card and look at her picture, I remember how lucky I am to have her as my wife.

This practice of using a Dedication Card that has served me, my marriage and my family very well. It has shaped my thinking to create positive thoughts. A common technique of success coaches for achieving any goal is to write out your goal on a card, carry it with you and look at it often. This process creates a new way of thinking by creating positive thoughts in the sub-conscious mind, which lead to positive behaviors. A person has "automatic memory" of these positive thoughts and makes positive decisions in his or her life.

Be a Weaver: Dedicate Yourself to Your Relationships

You can make your own Dedication Card, or purchase one with positive thoughts on it. Simply write out God's name, your name and the names of your loved ones on it. Write down a sentence or two that affirms everyone in the relationship. Visualize what the best possible day you can have. Remember to take action on the ideas you receive to improve those relationships. You can weave a gorgeous tapestry that brings beauty, love and peace to your home, your family and your friends.