You've always heard "the more the merrier". While it's true that a large number of people would probably love to celebrate your marriage, realistically you may not have the wedding budget for such a grand affair. Following this guide may help to diminish your limitless list of guests.
Create A and B lists. Include immediate family and your closest friends on the A list. These are people who would feel sincerely slighted if they didn't receive an invite and you wouldn't truly be able to celebrate if these folks weren't there. On the B list, place people you'd like to have in attendance but who may not be an absolute necessity. Second cousins and co-workers are examples. On average, 20% of the guests on your must-have list will not be able to attend. Once you've surpassed this percentage of declined RSVP cards, begin mailing invitations to guests on your B list in order of importance.
Include specific names on your RSVP cards. Instead of inviting Aunt Gail and Guest, invite only Aunt Gail. She's just broken up with her boyfriend anyway and she can hang out with your mom and their other sisters. This also helps to avoid any confusion and uncomfortable inquiries from bridesmaids, old friends, and others who may wonder if they need to scour a date for your big day.
Don't let yourself be pushed around by parents. In-laws and others have been known to bully the bride and groom into inviting their own circle of friends, co-workers, and other acquaintances. Take a firm stand. Don't budge or the dam will break and there will be no end to the list of potential party-goers. You may feel uncomfortable but the truth of the matter is, this is your celebration and you should have the final say. If you're still feeling awkward about telling your mom-to-be that she can't invite fifteen more people, calmly and openly explain to her that both you and your future hubby have divided the number of invitations equally in order to meet your budget and you would be willing to include her guests if she's able to contribute to the cost.
Make it all or nothing at work. Unless you have a few close friends with whom you spend time socially outside of your cubicle, leave your employer and fellow employees off the list. Feelings are usually not hurt as long as you stick to the all or none rule.
Create strict cutting criteria. Eliminate anyone whose name is not familiar to you or you partner (even if your father swears that Jim Davis was his wingman in college and he'd be bitterly disappointed if he missed the wedding). And consider an "anniversary" rule in relation to your guests and their dates. For example, if a single guest has been dating their significant other for over a year they will receive an "and guest" designation (remember to list this explicitly on the RSVP to help prevent other singles from adding names to the card and cost to your bill again maintaining a wedding budget).
Finally, consider an adults-only reception. This works particularly well for celebrations taking place in the evening, at which time tots should be home in bed and grown-ups can feel free to let loose. Determine an appropriate age limit- perhaps no children under the age of 13 or 18. This approach can cut down on the chaos factor and help buoy your wedding budget.
Wedding Guest List Etiquette
Putting together a wedding guest list may sound like one of the easiest tasks you will have to do on your wedding agenda. However, as you will soon find out, this couldn't be farther from the truth. Simply writing down your closest friends and family may not be difficult, but wait until your family and your future spouse's family becomes involved. They may want to invite all 30 of your long lost cousins from the other side of the country! And while this may seem just fine to you, if you are paying for the wedding yourself, it can turn into quite a different story.
Yes, putting together a wedding guest list can be one of the most stressful aspects of planning a wedding. While you don't want to insult your relatives and your relatives-to-be, it doesn't always turn out that way. There will usually be at least one person in the group who wants to invite everyone they know. Keep in mind that when it comes to your wedding day, you and your fiance are going to be the ones who have to go around and meet and thank all of these people for coming. Do you really want to spend your day with people you don't even know that well? This is why when planning your wedding guest list, try to keep it to the people you really want to have there. This is YOUR day with your future spouse, no one else's.
Now, on the other hand, if someone else is paying for your wedding or helping to pay for your wedding, you should be respectful towards his or her wishes. For example, traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding. So if they wish to have a long lost uncle or two there, they should have a say in that. However, if the future mother-in-law hands in a list of 200 of her closest relatives, the bride's father should not feel obligated to pay for something like that. A boundary must be drawn somewhere. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that all of the bride and groom's closest friends and family get invited, with no one left out. When it comes to an invitation, the bride's close friend should come before the mother-in-law's second cousin. Other than that, everything else is negotiable.
It is the responsibility of the person paying as well as the bride and groom (even if they are not paying) to pick a number by which to cap the guest list at. When doing this, realize that everyone won't be invited and feelings may get hurt, but that is sometimes a common problem especially when financial issues are involved. Your guests and your pocketbook will certainly understand!
Both Hugh Parker & Matthew Hick are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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