Children at weddings always create the most idyllic and blissful scenes. In the movies, anyway. These cute and lovable beings are, by nature, cheery and innocent. One would think that their very presence at a wedding would be the perfect touch. In the real world, however, kids at weddings can bring comical or even disastrous results.



Most kids are fun seekers, and will have no qualms about amusing themselves when things get dull. They can also have a hard time calming down and appreciating the importance of the day, the way adults do. When it comes right down to it, weddings can be very boring for children.

Bored kids can mean trouble for adults. They fidget, make noise and giggle. They roam around, throw food, fight with other kids and even ruin things. While it seem entertaining to children it can be nightmarish to adults, especially to brides and grooms.

Should You Invite the Children?

Face the facts. Most brides and grooms are just not crazy about the idea of having kids at their weddings.

Just thinking about an unruly child messing up her gown, toppling the cake or upsetting the wedding party sets any bride-to-be in panic mode. It's too bad that so many parents are insensitive to these concerns. Some moms and dads just can't appreciate or comprehend how a bride or groom may not want to have their cute and loveable kids at the wedding.

Wedding etiquette guides and books suggest that you should make it clear on the invitation that children are not invited. They offer two ways of stating that the bride and groom would rather not have children in attendance. Either omit the kids' names from the invitation, or verbally spread the word that your wedding is an "adult only" occasion.

The second option may seem a little extreme, but it's better than enduring a child's misbehavior or tantrums on your special day.

Not everyone understands or appreciates wedding etiquette, so it's perfectly sensible and acceptable to be straightforward about your wishes. So, go ahead and inform guests beforehand that your wedding involves an 'adult ceremony and reception.'

Frankly telling guests with children that kids will not be welcome in the wedding can also be a practical option. For some, the gesture would not be very polite, but practicality would tell otherwise. Every bride and groom wants formality for their much-awaited moments. Recognize that.

If you'd like to be a little more subtle, you can simply state the number of seats that are reserved for your guests. When you say that "Mr. and Mrs. Mercer have two seats reserved" on the invitation, you're clearly stating that Mercer's five kids will not have a place at the wedding. There should be no question about it.

If your guests are still clueless and insist on bringing along their children with them, contact them before the wedding and explain why their children may not attend the wedding. They may need a little wedding etiquette education.

Wedding Etiquette for Parents

If you receive a wedding invitation that does not clearly state that kids are excluded, and if the couple does not call to emphasize the point, then you may assume that you can bring the children. As a courtesy, check with the couple to make sure it's OK to bring the kids along.

As a parent, remember your wedding etiquette. If your kids misbehave, deal with any unruly behavior right away. You wouldn't want some kid's tantrum spoiling your wedding.

Imagine that you are the bride or groom, and how you would feel if a child caused a scene at your wedding. Suddenly, the kids may begin to lose a little of their cuteness.

As a guest of the bridal couple, take the initiative and leave the kids at home. They'll likely have more fun doing their own thing, playing with their own toys or watching TV. Even homework can be more fun than a wedding. Formal events are terribly boring for kids, and bored kids can create wedding-crashing scenes.

If you absolutely must bring your child, wedding etiquette experts advise you to make the most of the opportunity. In other words, mark the occasion as an opportunity to teach your kids about simple and practical wedding etiquette. You can turn this occasion into a lesson by informing the child that he or she is expected to behave just like the adult guests.

This would be the best teaching occasion to show the kids how to act during weddings, and train them about some table and social manners.

Wedding etiquette also tells us to learn from each occasion. It teaches couples how to be good and patient hosts. It teaches parents to take responsibility for their children and to teach the kids valuable social skills.