Client Claire recently described her week as being 'fast and furious.' We soon discovered that this was the story of her life, not just one week. Claire has a full plate and then some. She thinks, moves and talks fast. She prides herself in being a quick learner, an expert in her field. Silently, she berates those who cannot keep pace or who slow her down with questions or concerns.



What Claire is missing in her 'fast and furious' pace is her influence on those around her, those on whom she depends and who depend on her. One-by-one, she is alienating co-workers, associates and friends alike.

What's Claire's main challenge? She sees others not as individuals, but through the role they play in her life - what they can do for her. If she viewed them as individuals, she'd see how her manner of speaking is affecting them, and she'd see how it affects the results they produce for her. She would see how uncomfortable people have become around her.

With the same delivery and the exact message, we will begin to notice the differences with which it is received. We can inspire them, soliciting enthusiasm and eagerness to cooperate. We can educate, softly sharing our wisdom or unique perspective. We can steam-roll over them resulting in confusion, resentment, uncertainty and perhaps tears. Can you imagine the impact Claire had on her receivers?

There are many subtleties in the way people actually hear what we are saying. Each of us is more transparent than we think. First, look directly into the eyes of the person to whom you are addressing. Who is this person? What are their concerns? What motivates them?

Does this individual move at a fast pace, meaning that we need to be succinct? Do they require more details and statistical information to get the job done? Would they need more information or are they already comfortable with the data? Do you have their complete attention indicating this is a great time to talk, or is their mind drifting? What is their incentive to cooperate or even listen to you?

If you consider these questions, your focus will be moved to the addresses and not on you; time to notice subtleties that work best to get your message across effectively such as pace, vocal tone, amount of information and whether to put your message in the form of a question, a statement or even in writing.

Finally, looking at your recipient as an individual allows you to engage two of your most basic emotional needs in relationships—respect and appreciation. A touch of humor (not sarcasm) appropriately tossed in lightens every setting.

Once Claire treats her team as humans trying to do their best, foibles and all, her messages will be received in such a manner to elicit amazing cooperation, which will in turn take many things off her plate and result in a better, more productive environment all the way around.

This is a great week to learn more about how you look at those with whom you communicate? Do you deliver messages fast and furious? How do you leave your recipients—eager to cooperate and become more creative in their work for you or resentful, even angry? Do you berate them in your mind if they aren't a fast learner? Must they all be an expert in their field? Or is there another way? Enjoy your discoveries!