Relationships are always changing and the man and woman are together for many different reasons. Many men are abusive to their wife, and family but it doesn't always mean that you have to live like that forever. What you need to get straight is that there is abuse happening. Mental or physical, abuse is an action that is demeaning and hurtful. Pain that is caused by what a man says, or what he does is abuse. A man can raise his fist and hit you, and a man can tell you that you are a sloppy bitch both are forms of abuse.



Many women actually have a hard time determining they are suffering at the hands of their man. It can be very difficult to change a man who is abusive, and it can take months or even years for this to actually happen. You have to make up your mind if you truly deserve the abuse, and what is going to happen when he relapses? After knowing, and realizing you are suffering from abuse you can continue with your relationship decisions. Many women are not going to face the facts, that a man is being abusive, but if you have come to realize you are facing a problem right now, you are ready to make some life changing decisions for you, the family and for him.

How Do You Decide Whether You Should Stay or Go?

Your choice to stay or go is going to be difficult Many women choose not to go, hoping the man is going to change, but there is actually very little hope in this. In deciding, whether you should stay or go you also need to take a long hard look at what is the root of the problem. Does he do drugs or does he drink a lot? Is this always the pre cursor to what your abusive problems are in the relationship?

If drugs or alcohol is a starting point for every major abusive battle you have had in the past, you can try to change this by demanding that he get clean. You are only going to be able to have the conversation when he is sober, and if it is not often, your choice is clear that you need to go away from the relationship. You can't stay where you are putting yourself or the children in danger. If he is sober most of the time, you have a good possibility that you can change him that you can make him understand you want to salvable the relationship but not with the ongoing drug or alcohol problem that he has.

Will There Ever Be Any Chance of Changing Him?

A chance to change someone always exists, but it will be based on how much you are willing to put into the relationship and just how much patience you have to hang in their while the other person is making life choices. Some life choices are easier than others, and there is going to be bumps and problems along the way. Of course, if you make your demands, and your needs well known to your man, by stating exactly what you want or you are leaving, you need to stick by those choices. Stick by the choices you make and you will create a happier life for you, and hopefully for your man.

You will give you man ultimatums. Tell him he is not allowed to go the bar or go out after work. Tell your man you are not going to put up with his abuse any longer. Get a nanny cam and put it in the room. Have it turned on and when a fight breaks out you have it on camera. When your man is sober you can show him the tape, show him what goes on, and that you know he needs to stop or you are leaving. Showing a man first hand what is happening when he is high or drunk is going to open their eyes to what is really going on. Tell your man you will be there for the problems, for the difficult times, and that you still love him, but there is not excuse for how he treats you. He can have any woman to beat around, but it is not going to be you.

Can He be changed?

Very little can be done to change a man who doesn't want to change, no matter how strong you come on about what you are going to do. What is going to be vital to your personal life, to your future, is that you express and make your needs known to the man.

Write it in a note, tell him in person, or use a method of talking to your man such as on the phone ? what ever is going to be easiest on you. As you tell him what you want, that you need him to change, or you are leaving you have to give him deadlines. Deadlines make your choices clear. As the deadline comes and goes, make your plans to leave if he has not done what you have asked. If he is strong willed and changes, you will have a happy life together, if not, it is time for you to move and on seek a new life without him, no matter how much you may feel you love him.