It's worth questioning your own ideas about parenthood, and whether what you think of as a mother's role isn't just as applicable to fathers.



Attitudes to fathering

Traditionally, fathers came home from work expecting the home to be clean, the children ready for bed, and a meal on the table. Today, it's hard to believe that many modern mothers would stand for this.

Some women still expect their partners to handle all the family finances, some times to their disadvantage. It's a good idea if couples can find a fair way to share their financial burdens.

It's often assumed that men do all the heavy work. However, while a man must do this when his partner is pregnant and the baby is young, women are bigger and stronger than they used to be, and these tasks can be shared.

Women still tend to take on the chores while their partners play with the baby, even when both parents work. It's much better, though, if both of you play with your , and share the house work equally.

Some women leave discipline to their partners, but this is both out dated and a cop out. Try to agree on attitudes to discipline and apply them consistently.

You may never do anything more important than bringing up a child. However satisfying your career, whatever sports or leisure goals you've achieved, you'll find parenthood is a role that is rewarding in a way that is unlike anything else.

Following Your Instincts

The instinct to bear children is a strong one, and luckily the joy and fulfillment felt by most parents far out weigh some of the inconveniences and compromises that they may have to accept. Although this isn't always so, making the decision to have a child usually comes from with in a close, loving relationship between two people who decide that they would like to express their mutual affection in having a baby. This is just as well ­ you're unlikely to make the decision because you're attracted by the idea of reduced free time, never being able to put your self first, sleeplessness, and forking out for designer infant clothes! lf you think carefully about the changes brought about by parenthood, you'll realize that it's your genes that are pushing you relentlessly toward recreating your selves in the form of children. Now a days, people don't like to admit that they might be at the beck and call of basic urges and tend to dress them up as something more refined. That's fine, so long as we remember that we can also push back and say no to parenthood. For some, that can be the best decision, because having a baby is a commitment like no other.

More Than Just Nature

A.side from biological reasons, people also want to have a baby for fulfillment and personal achievement. Human beings arc social animals, and the way they think and act always has a social clement. This is shown most clearly in human parenthood in thc case of adoption, where (usually) two people voluntarily make a commitment to assume all the rights and duties of natural parents, while being genetically unrelated to the child. Adoption also illustrates the depth of the emotional need that people feel to nurture, educate and above all, love a child. What you give to your children in time, love, understanding, and teaching will constantly be repaid as you watch them grow and develop over the years. Every child is genetically a blend of his parents, but he is also a unique personality in his own right, and knowing that you have been the primary influences and educators in allowing that personality to take shape and mature is deeply enriching as well as being a major achievement.

Social And Economic Pressures

In a society where everyone goes to school, everyone expects to go to school. Similarly, when every one except a small minority has children, people expect to have children. It's as though a person has to have a reason for remaining childless, rather than the opposite. In the past, when families tended to live close together, in the same street or village if not actually in the same house, there were quite important economic reasons for having children. As soon as they were old enough to work, children made a vital contribution to the family's economic welfare, and parenthood was also a guarantee of being cared for in old age.

Changing Demands

In the much more fragmented society in which we live today, children aren't expected to contribute to the family income (at least not until they have finished their education), and the state has taken over some of the basic responsibilities for the elderly, or people make their own provision for old age. As a result, the economic demands of the family are now directed downward, from parents to children, instead of the other way around. Bringing up children today can be a costly business, and not just financially. For the first time in history, large numbers of women can achieve a whole range of satisfactions out side parenthood and the home; and with safe methods of contraception, they can also choose when and whether they want to have children. This doesn't mean that large numbers of women are opting out of motherhood, though some are; but what they are doing is fitting having and bringing up children in to lives where work and a career are also seen as theirs by right.

A Question Of Upbringing

Having begun to consider parenthood seriously, the first thing to realize before you go further is that having a baby is just the overture to bringing up a child. It isn't too difficult to imagine having a baby the excitement, the celebrations, the delighted grandparents, the supportive friends and family. But it's almost impossible to visualize bringing up a child if you haven't done it. The demands in time, energy, and emotion are almost limitless, unless of course the first thing you're going to teach your toddler is how to use the remote control for the TV and VCR. This isn't an option for most people because, even before you become parents, you'll have some idea of the kind of people you hope your children will grow up to be, and of the upbringing that will make this idea a reality.

A Firm Foundation

Upbringing begins from the moment of birth. For a or young child, everything is a learning experience, so how you care for your baby is influential from day one. It's worth looking at the background of some one you know who is independent but has a large capacity to love and interrelate with others, who is effective and confident, who recognizes that there is such a thing as the general good, and wants to contribute to it. You'll probably find that person found the world an accepting, loving, encouraging, reasonable, and respectful place from birth. His parents made him feel that way, and the foundation for everything he has become was provided by them in his first year of life.

Father

It's a good idea to be clear about your own attitude to parenting to make sure it doesn't reinforce traditional stereo types about mothers and fathers. What you may think of as a mother's role can be just as applicable to fathers.

Attitudes to mothering

While it's still true that it's mostly women who stay at home, many are now returning to work within months of the birth. Also, more and more men are becoming stay at home dads.

Recent surveys show that women, even full time working mothers, still do most of the chores in the home. Ask your self if this is fair there's no reason why cooking and cleaning can't be shared.

Tasks such as dealing with care givers and teachers and taking the kids to school used to be seen as a mother's responsibility. But more fathers are fitting daily activities like taking their child to the doctor into their working day.

It used to be thought that mothers put children to bed, but most fathers enjoy the bed time routine, especially if they've been away from their children all day.

The idea prevalent not so long ago that it was somehow demeaning for a man to push a stroller is now laughable. Men are pleased to be seen doing this and are also more than happy to take their children out with out their partners.