You like someone, you make them like 12 mixtapes, you google them, you look up their myspace profile but you can't view their page because it's on private, so you make up another myspace profile with a fake name and then send them a friend request so you can look at their profile, and you look up that person's phone number in the phonebook, and they have a last name that 30 other families have, so you call them all until you get the right number, and then when you hear their voice you just hang up, and then you write like a 30 page essay/ love note explaining why that person should go out with you or else you would die, and then when you take them out on a date to skateland on a saturday night and you go watch Monsters Vs Aliens and then you go eat at jack in the Box afterwards and then when you are about to tell them how you feel, that person starts talking about someone else that they like.



Or they just tell you that you are a really good friend.

I heard that in Maine, gay couples can now get married. Big surprise Maine. I think there should be more gay guys. Hold on, just hear me out on this, it totally makes sense. I know you're thinking " whoa, what the hell? Is this guy gay? " No, I just think there should be more gay men couples because every time I see a gay guy couple, I'm like, yes... Because that means that there is one more extra woman out there. Like if I could make Jay Z gay, I'd totally call Beyonce up.

ring....ring....ring....

Beyonce: Hello?

Zach: What's up?

Beyonce: Zach I can't talk right now, I'm getting ready to do a concert, and...

Zach: Shut up and listen to me, I'm going to pick you up around 7 tonight, we're going to skateland.

Jay Z: I'm so fabulous!

Zach: Shut up Jay Z, stay out of this.

I think people who are in relationships or who have kids, or who are married and have kids, they should be required to separate themselves from the rest of society by like, tattooing their forehead or wear a paper bag over their head. It's frustrating for single people to find other single people because there are like 100 non single people per single person.

Single people shouldn't have to take this anymore. If you are a single person, you should be angry.

If you like it you should of put a ring on it.

Copyright (c) 2009 Zach Olney