Why do some people always wind up with the wrong person? They need somebody who is kind, loving, trusted and open. Yet their relationships are always with men who are angry, wild, emotionally inaccessible and cannot keep a job.



These are routine troubles by customers. They cursed bad fortune, coincidence or accident for wandering up with the exact another of the type of person they say they prefer in a relationship.

We take our relationship options settled on lifetime feels enhanced from childhood. We subconsciously mix these experiences and respond from them to latest places.

Children's brains are like unwritten slates. The subject matters we find from our parents are stored upon them as if engraved in stone. We internalize these messages and take on them without question as we grown because in the child's mind, mommy and daddy - who are our supreme potency figures - said it is so!

When a young girl has a father who is physically present but emotionally yawning and does not offer her with the love and nurturing she needs, she will grow up with a big empty outer space in her heart where that love should have been. The message - although unspoken - tells her that she is not remarkable and not deserving of love.

This young girl will subconsciously seek a human with her father's declining characteristics - so she can live over her initial relationship - and this time she will win.

When a little boy develops up with a weak and based mother who more and more leans on him in his father's absence, he is put in an adult place improper to his years. Although in humanity he says he resents female dependence, he is used to taking the role of savior and naturally will gravitate to women with emotive broken wings that need fixing.

In our big relationships, we seek to make places in which we are sufficient - regardless of their dysfunctionality. If you grew up in a frantic home, you will subconsciously tend to chaotic relationships. Our home environment, how we were raised, is what we consider natural.

Our adult relationships follow a pattern. A simple exercise will give away that pattern to you. Write the names of all of the people with whom you have had a important relationship. Under each name, list all the negative characteristics you can remember - for instance: bad irritation, continually late for dates, awful money manager, etc.

After you have finished your list, critical review the character traits that are distributed by your dating spouses. Circle or yellow high-lite these running traits and you will see the egression of a pattern.

While discussing the concept of this article with a friend, she was moved to make the list and was miserable with the fact that these traits put up out among her three past grand relationships: aggressive personality, alcoholism, and excited inaccessibility.

Awareness of the pattern is the first step to varying it. Talking about it with a therapist or desired friend is the next essential step because you are then discovering this destructive pattern to the light and can carry this consciousness with you when you begin your next relationship.

Be assured - patterns are not etched in stone. They can be changed with awareness and work.