Both can do tricks; but when a boyfriend plays dead, he's in front of the television.



A dog can be taught to fetch the newspaper and your slippers. A boyfriend can fetch, but he only fetches beer and the remote control. If you taught him to fetch the newspaper, he'd only bring back the sports section.

Both dogs and boyfriends stand on two legs when they beg and neither of them understands when you have a headache. Both sleep on your bed and neither one makes it.

Frankly, if you're concerned about mess, get a dog. It can't clean up after itself, but it makes less mess for you to clean up.

Something else dogs do better than boyfriends is obey the stay command. Not only do dogs stay, but their love is unconditional.

They forgive you if you're late, if you feed them the same food day after day or if you put them outside. They don't complain about your shopping, your lengthy phone conversations or your spending time to look your best.

What it comes down to is this - if you want a long-term relationship, get a dog. They outlive most human relationships.

I, however, didn't take my own advice. I chose a boyfriend. The boyfriend became my husband; my husband became the father of two sons; and the father of two sons became an executive, who traveled a lot. That's when I discovered I needed a husband and a dog.

Zachary is a black, standard poodle. He's eighty-four in people years, but doesn't act it. He runs and plays as if he were a puppy. This is a trick people worried about getting older should learn.

Now that we live in a condo, Zac has learned to wait for people to get out of the elevator before he gets in. At my present age I find it very comforting that old dogs can learn new tricks. Maybe my husband's desk won't always look like a cyclone victim.

Presently, Zachary is the victim of cataracts. He has one in his right eye and one is developing in his left eye. This caused my husband to groan about costly eye surgery until I reminded him that Zac didn't complain when he had hernia surgery.