Sometimes it's the things you don't do that will become your lasting legacy – like failing to make a will. If you care for your family enough to prepare for your inevitable death, you will enable them to grieve and heal together during a very emotional and difficult time while sparing them from dealing with potentially divisive disagreements that can occur from unresolved legal matters. That's why a will is the greatest gift that you can leave your family.



On the other hand, if you fail to leave a will, you may be setting your family up for disaster as the old saying “families and money are like oil and water,” is never more true important than when applied to estate matters. There is nothing warm and fuzzy about money and families – it's a recipe for war and it gets ugly fast and frequently causes lasting damage.

Real Family Tragedies

I have witnessed this scenario firsthand more than once. One of my first “real” jobs' was as a legal secretary and paralegal working for family law attorneys who did real estate closings, wills, and divorces. I will never forget my first experience with the fireworks that can result when someone dies without a will. In this instance, an elderly woman died without a will and Jeff, one of the attorneys, was meeting with her two adult children to try and sort things out. Less than 20 minutes into the meeting, I heard a loud noise and Jeff came charging out of his office, holding his handkerchief to his bleeding forehead, as he asked me to drive him to the emergency room to get stitches.

During the drive, Jeff told me that the son and his wife were the primary caregivers for his mother because the sister lived across the country. The mother lived in her own house but it was an older home so her son spent a great deal of his spare time replacing or repairing everything as the house aged. The son's wife cooked and cleaned for his mother, ran her errands, got her groceries, etc.

The mother always told both her son and daughter that she was leaving a (much) larger share of the house to her son because his efforts had allowed her to stay in her home until she died. The daughter had always expressed her complete agreement. I'm sure you are way ahead of me at this point – the mother didn't leave a will. Jeff told the brother and sister that even though their mother failed to make a will that they could respect her wishes and agree to any sharing arrangement for their mother's assets.

Of course, the brother expected that his sister would immediately agree to an equitable agreement considering his care of their mother over the years. The sister decided she was under no obligation to split everything in half with her brother. This sent the brother right over the edge and he picked up a stapler and threw it at his sister. Unfortunately, she ducked and Jeff got nailed.

This was just one of the many disasters I witnessed while working for family attorneys. I also witnessed the same thing when my best friend's mother (Carol) died. When Chris lost her mother five years ago, I hopped on a plane to go to the funeral and to be there for my friend. Carol was an incredibly accomplished and well liked professional real estate agent who owned her own business - and yet she died without a will and left behind my friend, Chris, her sisters Amber and Cheryl, and their brother Mike. Their father had died many years ago and Carol and her four children and nine grandchildren were a very close and loving family who all got together weekly, spent many weekends together at their mother's cabin on a lake and Chris and Amber even worked at their mother's company.

Unfortunately, Carol not only died without a will, but she and the two daughters that worked with her failed to put their business arrangement in writing. When going through their mother's finances, they discovered that substantial loans had been made to Chris's brother and had not been repaid, things got messy and the legal wrangling began. The net result of Carol's failure to prepare for her death was the destruction of her family as Chris, Amber and Cheryl haven't spoken to their brother since the falling out over their mother's estate.

Do It Now

No matter your age, it makes no sense for you to fail to prepare for the only certainty of life - which is your eventual death. A will is a gift for those you leave behind. So, if you don't already have one, put it at the top of your “to do” list.

To learn about preparing a will, log on to my web site at www.livingsmartguides.com You will find all the information you need and it is easy and affordable. Remember, it's never too early (but it can be too late) to protect the ones that you love.