Sometimes trying to get your partner to "commit" (to your relationship) is enough to get you committed (to the funny farm).

Below you'll discover three different yet connected ways to use the input your partner provides to reevaluate yourself and what you might be doing wrong.

Strategy #1: Your Partner is Your Mirror, Take A Closer Look. Do you complain that your partner won't commit or doesn't keep his/her agreements, won't help out around the house, etc.? Whenever this issue comes up, I find, without exception, that a palm reading shows the individual logging the complaint has the SAME issue in their hands.

So for example, Andrea wants her husband to pick up after himself and nags him incessantly about those lonely socks on the floor. Andrea secretly dreams of being a writer - her palmistry shows a writing gift marker in her hand. When I ask Andrea, "Andrea, what are YOU doing to further your writing ambitions?" I am met with a blank stare. Sometimes, just sometimes, the person receiving the hand analysis session will perk up and say, "Oh, my goodness, I see what you mean. I'm nagging after him when I should be writing." Righto! The "mirror effect" isn't always obvious - writing and picking up one's socks may not, at first glance, have a lot in common. What is the CORE ISSUE of your complaint with your partner and how does this mirror back something in yourself? Once you have the "core issue," ask YOURSELF, where do I need to apply this wisdom to move forward in my own self-development?

Strategy #2: It Is NOT Your Partner's Job to Read Your Mind: Speak Up! If I had a dollar for every person who has said to me, "He (or she) should just know." Really? Strategy #2 is so obvious that you should probably just *know* what it is. (Just kidding.) But you've heard it before - and I'm saying it again - it is absolutely essential to speak up and COMPLETE the communications in your relationships. If you find that this task falls to you again and again, your hands will no doubt reveal that learning to speak up is part of your growth journey.

Strategy #3 "Completing the communication" It means making a request for something you'd like or need in the relationship, such as more alone time or more together time. It also means setting clear boundaries and also knowing when to keep your mouth shut and just listen. So many of our relationship conflicts are due to feeling a need to respond to everything that is said rather than just listening. Here's my Coach's Challenge: What have you NOT said that you are afraid to say? I challenge you to say it and stay open to your partner's response. Many times we don't speak our truth because we're not really interested in hearing the other person's response - it may not be what we want or expect - OR their truth may scare us.

You can save yourself a lot of trouble by simply addressing this before sharing your inner vulnerability. "Honey, I need to share this with you. I don't know how you're going to respond. I will do my best to stay open to your response without reacting and I invite you to share your truth with me." The less frightened we are of rejection, abandonment and attack, the easier it becomes to share our innermost truth with another (which, by the way, is the dictionary definition of "intimacy.")

Copyright (c) 2007 Elizabeth Davis