Everybody always liked Johnny's mother   Everybody always thought that she was so cool   Everybody went over to her friend's one day   she had no choice, but to eat it,      and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance   wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance      Well, she really thought that she was going to make it   so, she moved out to HOLLYWOOD   she went out to become an actress   she got down to take it,      and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance   and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance      Well, she really thought that she was going to make it   she sped straight down to the bottom   writhing in circles down there   making a film about HOLLYWOOD!      and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance   and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance      But, she really thought that she was gonna make it   but, bright are the lights of HOLLYWOOD!   loud are the shouts of HOLLYWOOD!   and all the choices are taken,      (3-dimensional guitar solo by Kid Congo Powers)      Everybody always like Johnny's mother   Everybody watches her show everyday   from somewhere near Champaign, Illinois   we all got down to take it!      and wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance   wow! What a time we had!   she had to do the Crab Dance      she really had to do it   she didn't have a choice   to do the Crab Dance   to do the Crab Dance      Well, you torn your dress, your face is a mess   you can get enough a   you got a transmission and a live wire   to do the Crab Dance   to do the Crab Dance      Well, Crab Dancing! Crab Dancing!