Don't smoke don't fight don't light no cigarettes   Or else you'll wind up in the can   No jokes no rights sit tight don't fool around   You are a guest of Uncle Sam   Stand up look right don't slouch and stand at ease   Allow no sex above the knees   When I snap you jump into the master plan   I'll be damned   Well I'll be damned      I'll be damned if I drink or smoke   Damned if I steal your joke   I'll be damned if I go for broke   Damned if I do   Damned if I don't      Don't talk don't fool don't try to mess around   I'll make a monkey outta you   You sign your name right on that dotted line boy   I'll be damned      I'll be damned if I drink or smoke   Damned if I steal your joke   I'll be damned if I go for broke   Damned if I do   And damned if I don't, yeah      Come on   I'll be damned if I drink or smoke   Damned if I steal your joke   I'll be damned if I go for broke   I'm damned if I do   I'm damned if I don't      I'll be damned if I drink or smoke   Damned if I steal your joke   I'll be damned if I go for broke   I'm damned if I do   I'm damned if I don't      I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned   I'll be damned