If Momma was married, we'd live in a house   As private as private can be   Just Momma, three ducks, five canaries, a mouse   Two monkeys, one father, six turtles and me   If Momma was married      If Momma was married, I'd jump in the air   And give all my toe shoes to you   I'd get all those hair ribbons out of my hair   And once and for all, I'd get Momma out too   If Momma was married      Momma get out your white dress   You've done it before without much success   Momma, Godspeed and God bless   We're not keeping score, what's one more or less?      Oh, Momma, say yes   And waltz down the hall while you may   I'll gladly support you, I'll even escort you   And I'd gladly give you away   Oh, Momma, get married today      If Momma was married there wouldn't be anymore   'Let's me entertain you', 'Let me make you smile'   'I will do some kicks', 'I would do some tricks'   Sing out, Louise, smile, baby      Momma, please take our advice   We aren't The Lunts, I'm not Fanny Brice   Momma, we'll buy you the rice   If only this once you wouldn't think twice      It could be so nice if Momma got married to stay   But Momma gets married and married and married   And never gets carried away   Oh, Momma, oh, Momma, oh, Momma, get married today