I got back in town a day before I'd planned to   I smiled and said I'll sure surprise my wife   I don't think I'll phone I'll just head on home   For I didn't know the cold hard facts of life   I passed a little winestore on the corner I pictured pink champagne by candle light   I stopped the car right then got out and hurried in   My mind not on the cold hard facts of life   A stranger stood there laughing by the counter   He said I'll take two bottles of your best   Her husband's out of town and there's a party   He winkled as if to say you know the rest   I left the store two steps behind the stranger   From there to my house his car stayed in sight   But it wasn't till he turned into my drive I learned   I was witnessing the cold hard facts of life   I drove around the block till I was dizzy each time the noise came louder from within   And then I saw our bottle there beside me    And I drank a fifth of courage and walked in   Oh you should have seen their frantic faces   They screamed and cried please put away that knife   I guess I'll go to hell or rot here in the cell   But who told who the cold hard facts of life who told who the cold hard facts of life