I'm getting dizzy way up here I haven't been this high in years   Oh, whatever possessed me to   Blow eighty dollars on these high heel shoes   Looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker?   Do they think we're idiots? But I bought 'em      Now I'm standing in a subway car   I ride because I cannot walk far   I couldn't find an empty cab on the street   They were filled with high-heeled women with non-functioning feet      Twenty-six years ago I dreamed of wearing shoes like these   Oh, the warped mind of the preteen with her strange priorities   But this is a nightmare   Of unsteady ankles, hands waving in the air      But the looks my legs   Are getting from that man across the aisle   Almost make the pain and misery   And doctor bills worthwhile      If by chance you happen to meet   This wobbly woman walking down your street   The click of high heels on concrete   Is not the thrill of victory, it's the agony of defeat      Oh! Look at me everybody I learned this from Paula Abdul      Oh, take pity on my vanity, maybe question my sanity   Why I wear these uncomfortable things? Heaven knows   Which make me wonder about these pierced earrings   And my pantyhose, my control top      Ooh, I can see you don't want me to sing about pantyhose   You'd rather I go back to tap dancing   Like my close personal friend Paula Abdul   Who, like me, was a geek back in high school      Oh, I'm sorry, but that's not what this song is about   At least it wasn't when it started out   I pray this subway ride never ends   So I will never never have to walk again      In high heels, it's a different atmosphere   In high heels, I can see your house from here   In high heels, high heels