Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)   Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)   Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)   Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)   Aynsley Dunbar (drums)   Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)   Bob Harris (keyboards, vocals)   Don Preston (mini-moog)      What's a girl like you   Doin' in a place like this?       I left my place after midnight   And I came to this hall   Me and my girlfriend, wecame here   Lookin' to ball       You came to the right place   This is it   This is the swingin-est place   In New York City       (Chorus line) NO SHIT!       How true it is   Me and my girlfriend, we come here   Every night looking for that   Hot romance we need   We like to get it on --   Do you like to get it on, too?       Well now, what did you have in mind?       Okay: well I get off bein' juked   With a baby octopus   An spewed upon with cream corn! AAH... UNH!   An' my girlfriend, she digs it   With a hot YOOHOO bottle   While somebody's screamin':   CORKS 'N' SAFETIES   PIGS 'N' DONKEYS   ALICE COOPER'S GONNA ... AAAAAAH!       Well, it gets me so hot   I could scream   (Chorus line) ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! YAAAAH!   ALICE COOPER, ALICE COOPER! YAAAAH!       You two chicks sound real far aout and groovy   Ever been to a Holiday Inn?   Mna-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa...   Magic Fingers in the Bed (Picture it!)   Wall-mounted TV screen:   Coffee-Wost plugged into the bathroom wall   Formica's really keen!       (Chorus line) What kind of girl do you think we are?   What kind of girl do you think we are?   Don't call us groupies   That is going too far   We wouldn't ball you   Just because you're a star       These girls wouldn't let just anybody   Spew on their vital parts   They want a guy from a group with a   Big hit single in the charts       Funny you should mention it:   Our new single just made the charts this week   With a bullet! With a bullet!   Lust let me put a little more   Rancid Budweiser on my beard right now, Baby       And you can show me how a young girl such as you   Might be thrilled and overwhelmed by me...       What hotel did you say you are staying at?       Wanna split right away?       Not so fast, you silly boy... there's one thing I gotta say:       (Chorus line) We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts   We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts   We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts   We want aguy from a group who's got a thing in the charts       And if his dick is a monster   If his dick is a monster   If his dick is a monster   We will give him our hearts...       Hold it! Please hold it!       My God, Madge... you voluptuous New York City slit...    Why did'nt you tell me before?    It was so hard to tell with your little blousey-poo on,    but.. now that I see you... I would have helped...    I didn't know you were so obviously.. PREGNANT...