A Candymaker's Knife in my Handbag      A night out in the tropics   Turned out I couldn't cope   After the School of Fancy Cookery   With Antoinette Pope      I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift   Knead, flute and flour   Each Thursday for an hour      Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet   A candymaker's knife in my handbag   A candymaker's knife in my handbag      Well I learned brazing and saucing, meringue and sift   Knead, flute and flour   Each Thursday for an hour      Cobblers and plum cakes, tarts savory and sweet   A candymaker's knife in my handbag   A candymaker's knife in my handbag      That night I was to meet my husband's father, for the very first time      I wore the scarf he sent to me   French silk, scarlet blue and cream   He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee   I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem      Zapped by the Zombie   Zapped, zapped by the Zombie   Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge   Twice-baked brioche and pastry pockets   And lock its two-door Dodge      Zapped by the Zombie   Zapped, zapped by the Zombie   Zapped by the Zombie in the two-door Dodge      And I did not fail   To bust off a nail as the Dodge door handle dodges my hand   Delicate, delicate hold my hand   Delicate nectarine upside-down chiffon cake   Dodge down the downtown loop the loop lightly   Hazelnut baby loaves   Hazelnut baby loaves   Hold my hand inside-out upside-down marzipan Milanese   My brain is a blur   Hodge-podge - cardinal slice - two-door, brand new   What am I gonna do   'Cause on the street the amber lights were hellish hot   And the wind in the windows was not giving air   And tropical Napeolons   But it was too late and I didn't care   And I didn't care      Because first I went to meet Dr. Christopolous and his wife Claudette   Who at the time was my close girlfriend   They picked my up in their brand-new Dodge   And we went to Trader Vic's, or Mr. Rick's   And I ordered, like the others, a Zombie   And it bombed me, it just bombed me   And when we got to the stoop my father-in-law said "Were you attacked?"   My aunt, being helpful, said something that made my heart just go sunk   And with a look on her face like something had stunk   "She's just drunk!" she hissed      I reached for the arm of the armchair and missed      A night out in the tropics   Turned out I couldn't cope   After the School of Fancy Cookery   With Antoinette Pope      I wore the scarf he sent to me   French silk, scarlet blue and cream   He sits, he waits, a coffee on his knee   I wonder if it's as bad as it might seem