Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk   At our Christmas party   We were drinkin' champagne punch and home-made eggnog   Little sister brought her new boyfriend   He was a Mexican   We didn't know what to think of him   Till he sang "Feliz Navidad"   "Feliz Navidad"      Brother Ken brought his kids with him   The three from his first wife, Lynn   And the two identical twins from his second wife, Mary-Nell   He also brought his third wife, Kay   Who talks all about AA   Chainsmokin', while the stereo plays   Noel Noel, The First Noel      [chorus]   Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on   Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone   Send somebody to the QuicPac store   We need some ice and an extension cord   A can of bean dip and some some Diet Rites   A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights   Hallelujah, everybody say, "cheese!"   Merry Christmas from the family      Fred and Rita drove from Harlejin   I can't remember how I'm kin to them   But when they tried to plug their motorhome in   They blew our Christmas lights   Cousin David knew just what went wrong   So we all waited out on our front lawn   He threw the breaker    And the lights came on   And we sang "Silent Night"   Oh, "Silent Night"      Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on   Mix Bloody Marys cause we all want one   Send somebody to the Stop N' Go   We need some celery and a can of fake snow   A bag of corn-nuts and some Diet Sprites   A box of tampons and some Salem Lights   Hallelujah, everybody say, "cheese!"   Merry Christmas from the family      Feliz Navidad