Things can't get much weirder   This can't get much worse   Don't know why you wouldn't kiss me   But it's a good thing I asked you first.      You were a big strapping boy with a boner.   Yeah I felt it when you hugged me goodbye   You gave me an evening I'll never forget   No matter how hard I try.      Yeah you were just mister flirtatious   All night just workin' that ass   Well you know it's uncool to bring it to school   If you don't want to share with the class      I am just Mrs. Embarrassed   I feel like a dirty old man   I've got my eye on a guy   That just moved out of mom's house   With his pretty head stuck in the sand      You've earned yourself a place in my memory   By being the one who said no   Where are my fucking care keys   I think I'll just go      Surprise surprise now you miss me   Now that I'm not in your face   Surprise surprise now you're calling me   Now that you feel safe   Do you think that I could be your prom date   You could do us a stiff little dance   Except that this isn't high school, baby   And you had your chance   You had your chance      You've earned yourself a place in my memory   By being the one who said no   Now where are my fucking car keys I think I should go   Hey look! car keys... bye!] things can't get much weirder   This can't get much worse   Don't know why you wouldn't kiss me   But it's a good thing I asked you first.      You were a big strapping boy with a boner.   And I felt it in your goodbye   You're leaving I'll never forget   No matter how hard I try      No matter how hard I try