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Hold a candle to a naked flame
Ask the atheist his Christian name
Try parachuting from a burning plane
Finding someone else you could blame

If I ever thought you'd be lonely
If I ever thought you'd be there
If I ever fought the alimony
Painted pony
You'd be there

Eskimo heart
Bedouin throat
A butcher trussed up in a camel hair coat
A crowning in the castle
A drowning in the moat
Ocean dried
Desert afloat

If I ever thought you'd be lonely
If I ever thought you'd be there
If I ever fought the alimony
My one and only
You'd be there

One for the lady
One for the gent
Signatures in wet cement
And if you ever ask
What I meant then I'd never know
Then I'd never know...
Hold a candle to a naked flame    Ask the atheist his Christian name    Try parachuting from a burning plane    Finding someone else you could blame       If I ever thought you'd be lonely   If I ever thought you'd be there    If I ever fought the alimony    Painted pony    You'd be there       Eskimo heart    Bedouin throat    A butcher trussed up in a camel hair coat    A crowning in the castle    A drowning in the moat    Ocean dried    Desert afloat       If I ever thought you'd be lonely    If I ever thought you'd be there    If I ever fought the alimony    My one and only    You'd be there       One for the lady    One for the gent    Signatures in wet cement    And if you ever ask    What I meant then I'd never know    Then I'd never know...