Yell help, too many cooks and a bird in the bush, yell help   Yell help, if your mirror busts and your cat gets cussed, yell help   'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking   Down the road you find another sweet lady cooking   So I gotta yell help      Yell help, some shelter from the storm like the travel agent warned   Yell help, if you can help your superstitions they gonna keep you warm   'Cause down the road you find someone else who's looking   Down the road you seen another sweet lady cooking   So I gotta yell help      I wish tonight wasn't Wednesday night   I wish it wasn't the thirteenth of July, yell help   And you're looking at the guy whose eyes can't deny   That he wishes he were somewhere else tonight      Well I met this woman down in New Orleans   Lord she built just like a dream   Even wore stockings that had seams   And she was ugly      Now hell I don't mind women of her kind   I'll even pay sometimes for a woman that's ugly      She built like a steamroller   Just the kind to mow you over anytime   Hey the moment might arrive      On bourbon street   Well the ugliest woman you'll ever meet   But she's mine all mine and she's ugly   So I better yell help