He has eight eyes you have two   He sees things differently to you   You have two legs he has eight   He leaves the dug out and he’s heading for the plate      He finds his place to face the mound   Then turns his hat the wrong way round   He’s lining up his little bat   He keeps one eye out for the cat      Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider      The rumour is he took a bribe in 1992   Then ended on the winning team, that’s not the thing to do   They beat him up and stole his wages   They broke his legs, it took them ages      Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider      He didn’t want to go to war   The thought of dying made him sick   Said he was clinically afraid of killing Arabs   He was Iraq-nophobi-ic      (All the girls say hello, all the men say hello!)      (All the girls, this is your bit)   Baseball playing spider….   (that’s lovely)   (a little bit louder)   Baseball playing spider…   (now harmonise!)   Baseball playing spider…   (too many legs)   (washed away!)   (washed away on a sea of beauty!)   (that’s perfect, now shut up)      (All the men, this is your bit. Men’s bit more complicated obviously. Who says we can’t multitask? I can clean my teeth and urinate at the same time.    I don’t always mean to. That was another Alpha course I was asked to leave)      Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all   Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all   (Perfect! Men so much superior to the women it’s unbelievable!)   (So the women are gonna start and the men will start half way through, it’s a metaphor for life)      Baseball playing spider    Baseball playing spider…. (too many legs)   Baseball playing spider…. (a little bit louder)   Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)   Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)   Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)      Just me now      Now the coach sits all alone   In the expensive mental home   Wondering why he ever played a spider in the first place      Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider   Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)   Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up, set ‘em up)