I saw it advertised one day,   That the Bear Mountain picnic was comin' my way.   "Come along 'n' take a trip,   We'll bring you up there on a ship.   Bring the wife and family   Bring the whole kids."   Yippee      Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket,   To this called the Bear Mountain Picnic.   But little did I realize   I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise.   Had nothin' to do with a picnic.   Didn't come close to a mountain.   And I hate bears.      Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier,   There were six thousand people there.   Everybody had ticket for the trip.   "Oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship.   Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier."      Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think,   That big old boat started t' sink   More people kept a-pilin' on,   That old ship was a-goin' down.   Funny way t' start a picnic.      Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife,   So many people I never saw in m' life.   That old ship sinkin' down in the water,   There were six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other,   Dogs a-barkin', cats a-screamin',   Women a-yellin', men a-flyin', fists a-flyin', paper flyin'(?),   Cops a-comin', me runnin'.   Maybe we just better call off the picnic.      I got shoved down, got pushed around,   All I remember was a moanin' sound.   Don't remember one thing more,   All I remember's wakin' up on the shore,   M' arms n' legs are broken, my feet were splintered, my head was cracked, couldn't walk, couldn't talk, smell, feel, Couldn't see,    Didn't know where I was   I was bald,    Quite lucky to be alive, though      Well, feelin' like I just climbed outa m' casket,   I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket.   Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home,   Wishin' I'd never got up that mornin'.      Now, I don't care just a-what you do,   If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you.   But don't tell me about it, I don't wanta hear it,   'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit.   Stay in m' kitchen, have a picnic in the bathroom.      Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny   What some people are gonna do f'r money.   There's a bran' new gimmick every day   Just t' take somebody's money away.   I think we oughta take some o' these people,   And put 'em on a boat,    Send 'em up to Bear Mountain for a picnic.      from the Bootleg Series