I'm just a typical American boy   From a typical American town   I believe in God and Senator Dodd   And an keepin' old Castro down      And when it came my time to serve   I knew better dead than red   But when I got to my old draft board   Buddy, this is what I said      Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen   And I always carry a purse   I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat   My asthma's getting worse      Consider my career, my sweetheart dear   My poor old invalid aunt   Besides, I ain't no fool, and I'm goin' to school   And I'm workin' in a defense plant      I've got a dislocated disc and a racked up back   I'm allergic to flowers and bugs   And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits   And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs      I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes   I can hardly reach my knees   And if the enemy ever came close to me   Well, I'd probably start to sneeze      Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen   And I always carry a purse   I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat   My asthma's getting worse      Consider my career, my sweetheart dear   My poor old invalid aunt   Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school   And I'm workin' in a defense plant      I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies   But I think you gotta see   That if someone's gotta go over there   That someone isn't me      So, have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall   Yeah, kill me a thousand or so   And if you ever get a war without any gore   Well, I'll be the first to go      Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen   And I always carry a purse   I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat   My asthma's getting worse      Consider my career, my sweetheart dear   I got to water my rubber tree plant   Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school   And I'm workin' in a defense plant      Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen   And I always carry a purse   I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat   My asthma's getting worse      Consider my career, my sweetheart dear   My poor old invalid aunt   Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a goin' to school   And I'm workin' in a defense plant