There'll be no show tonight and no, no   The music won't sound right   The audience is being impolite   And I can't act tonight, don't make me   And I can't act tonight      I guess I missed my cue   When he said we were through   He walked up the stage with some ingenue   And all I can act is blue, I really mean it   No, no stand in will do      Take back your Oscar   Your horseshoe made of flowers   You'll find me down at the local pool hall   Tying up the phone for hours      Who could have guessed how   He'd rewrite the script for me   I might be Sarah Heartburn   But I can't cover up this jealousy   And I can't cover up this jealousy      Let me fly again soon   And give back my toy balloon   He's got me grounded in my dressing room   Well that man's got me grounded in my dressing room      There'll be no show tonight, no, no   The music won't sound right   The audience is being impolite   And I can't act tonight, don't make me yeah   I can't act tonight, and I can't act      I can't be Sarah Heartburn   I can't be Sarah Heartburn   No, no, no, oh