God bless the chaos, I'm ready to go   Made my provisions written my notes   Too bad that folks remain on the earth   To see me deny no to renew my birth   And even my swallow my sweet one of all   Will be angry and bitter and briefly withdraw   For I've done much protecting and hiding of hardness   The awful emotion I never could bear   I was always afraid to reveal what I'm knowing   Like I have a particular kind of thing growing   Indifference, a bosom ally to despair,   Soaks itself in to the skin and the hair      I keep all my cards at my chest without playing   The ones that I knew I was all this time saving   And rarely refered to it rarely gave clues   That I had the deep sickness I tried not to choose   That I had here inside of me a key to self-knowing   So base and respected neglected and flowing   Perversion and what might be called paranoia   Description defies though the concurrent Joya   And every corpuscle and each fold and wrinkle,   Subknuckels, perception of what's within my vision   And hearing distorting and feeling is lying   But it never succeeds to prevent me from trying